Friday, February 02, 2007

Finally, an Expert

After being overwhelmed by numerous e-mails arguing plotlines like whether or not the Bears blitz enough or if the Colts' no-huddle will have its desired effect, Bad Idea Blue Jeans is pleased to hear the insights of someone with unmatched perspective. "Too much f*cking perspective" (nod to David St. Hubbins).
That's Edna Parker, the United States' oldest citizen and three months or a dead Japanese woman short of being the oldest person on the planet Earth. She'll turn the big 1-1-4 on April 20th of this year. She's a graduate of Franklin College and a resident of the Heritage House Convalescent Center in Shelbyville, Indiana and damn it, she's a Colts fan.

Edna was born April 20, 1893 when Grover Cleveland was in his second non-consecutive term as president. She's lived through 20 presidents and was a paltry 73 years old when Bart Starr won the first Super Bowl with the Packers, and she's been a widow for only 68 years. Shit, that's old.

Frankly, Edna is well and done with talk of good Rex vs. bad Rex and the business of Peyton Manning's monkey. She doesn't care how many times you've looked at the Bears' Cover 2 or Peyton's line-of-scrimmage gesticulations, damn it she's seen it all and she's made up her mind. She's lived a life full of bacon and lard, doesn't shy away from salt, and she's got one message for all you inferiorty complex ridden mooks from Chicago...

Go Colts, Go!


Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention the funniest factoid of all...she was a mere 91 YEARS OLD when the Colts moved to her beloved Indianapolis.

Anonymous said...

You know she's an expert because she is a graduate of Franklin College...the finest private college in Indiana or perhaps the United States! Okay, so I am a bit biased, but you have to support your alma mater! I think Edna's cool! Go Colts!

Ross McLochness said...

I don't know if Indianapolis is beloved to her. She's from the bustling hamlet of Shelbyville.