Sunday, January 27, 2008

The Next Montrell Lowe?

I've been quite critical of Purdue senior point guard Tarrance Crump lately.

His play was at times brash and too often out of control. He seemed to be abusing a green light from the coaching staff and would unneccesarily take the game to a frantic pace with out-of-control drives and insanely frustrating teardrops/runners: imagine Michael Jordan dunking from the free throw line...except this time he's gonna go high off the glass.

A play in the Illinois game seemed to seal Crump's fate though. He took an elongated drive down the left sideline, pivoting at the corner - well behind the backboard - and proceeded to fly toward the basket throwing up an airball layup that seemed to go higher than the backboard at its apex. Lucky for Purdue the Illini botched the "rebound/fair catch" and Purdue got the ball back. I believe that in those moments when Matt Painter was calling his out-of-bounds play, he finally decided to cut the cord on Crump.

You see, Coach Painter has a lot invested in Tarrance, most of which has more to do with integrity than ball distribution.

Following Crump's hit and run incident Painter took the necessary disciplinary steps to deal with the situation, but did not remove Crump from the team. Throughout the process Painter stressed that Crump was a good kid who did an incredibly bad thing. Painter was going to be firm with his punishment, but not vindictive. Crump got a second chance - like Gordon Watt did, who subsequently blew that chance and got himself dismissed - and Crumpseemed to have things moving in the right direction both on and off of the court.

Then came Las Vegas.

Crump and sophomore Keaton Grant were both disciplined and benched for the game against Missouri St. Up to that point Crump had been playing over 20 minutes a game on average. He had lost the starting position earlier in the season, yet was still getting good reserve minutes, but fans like me were growing restless with Crump's erratic play especially with the emergence of reliable freshman E'Twaun Moore.

In the eight games that have followed Vegas, Crump has only eclipsed 20 minutes in Purdue's rout at Penn St. and he didn't score that night. In the other seven post-Vegas games, Crump is averaging under 11 minutes, 2.7 points, and 0.4 assists . You might think Painter pulled the plug eight games ago, but I still think that single play against Illinois did it, because it seems Crump has now lost his last marketable skill: defense.

At the end of Saturday's game against #11 Wisconsin, the Badgers had 10.8 seconds and a two-point deficit. Painter substituted at the timeout to ensure he would have five players used to defending perimeter shots. He chose Grant, Kramer, Green, Hummel and Moore having substituted Green for the big man Calasan. Painter had the opportunity to put in the experienced and, best of all, fast Crump but decided to keep him on the bench. You might say it was a play for Green's extra three inches in height, but I doubt we see Crump in at crunch time again this season barring foul trouble.

Crump seems to have been relegated to a 10 minute a game role player. Moore, Grant, and Kramer will handle the point for the near future and their recent play seems to merit that call. Crump is still fast as lightning and able to carve his way through a defense especially in transition. He's thrown up one too many rash finger rolls from the three-point line though.

Crump is the only senior on this very, very young team, and he doesn't seem to be outwardly upset with his diminishing presence. He and Calasan were downright giddy at the end of the Wisconsin game - maybe it's a JUCO thing? At the same time, Crump has endured all kinds of experience and adversity that hopefully has been imparted on his barely post-pubescent teammates and may help them avoid some of the hardships Crump has faced. But I think that's Crump's role at this point. He's more of a bench coach than leader for this season. Hell, sophomore Chris Kramer is the captain.

Montrell Lowe seemed to have gotten the shaft in his senior year, languishing in Joe Tiller's dog house...or so we fans perceived. Crump is still a contributing member of the team (poor Montrell couldn't even get a touch down the stretch), but I think Crump's contributions are going to be showing up less and less on the stat sheet.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Mom Jeans- Redux

A previous Runway blog of mine began with an apology to my roommate. And this one will begin with an apology to one of my most faithful and fervent readers, Beth.

I won't make excuses, Beth. Despite the fact that I still can't find my notes (yes, I take notes during the show, and yes, I apparently lose them), and that I've contracted some sort of illness that weakens not only my immune system, but my sharp wit, I am going to crank out a doozy of a blog!

This blog's for you!

Alright. it's become clear to me that if the challenge limits the variety of fabric, of of the designs will pretty much tie for "suckiest." Think Hershey's competition. Think plant competition from a few seasons ago. Think denim.

Of course, the show is now in a hypnotic pattern in the first 5 minutes:

1. exterior shot of building
2. shot of sweet p's unkempt hair (and unkempt chest.....please P, a bra. Please.)
3. shot of shirtless guy (Rami's really the only viable candidate left for this one)
4. everyone lamenting the departure of whoever departed last episode (my dearest Kit, in this case)
5. Christian declaring that he's glad they're gone (in all in sassiness)
6. stupid model swap (stupid is modifying the swap, not the models)
7. heidi telling them nothing about the challenge
8. tim taking them on a mysterious "field trip"

...and then we get to something different. Only it wasn't different. It was a race to fabric! Just like the first episode. And just like the first episode, Sweet P's shoes came off and Chris was forced to run, with all of America watching. That's just mean.

At this point, i'm not quite sure who I'm rooting for. My favs are gone (Kevin, Kit) and here's what remains:

Jillian (aka Jesse Spanno)

Christian (aka Mango)

Chris (aka Harvey Fierstein)

Rami (aka Rupert Everett)

Ricky (aka Chris Crocker)

Sweet P (aka Melisssa Etheridge)

As for the clothing, here's my quick take (three words or less)

Christian - dammit you're good

Ricky - slut look wins?

Chris - pockets are jank

Rami - can't drape denim?

Sweet P - damn you hippie

Jillian - buy a watch

Victorya - apply at Kohl's

The Ricky crying count stands at 13, which seems to correspending with the times that I've screamed toward the heavens, asking God what kind of world we live it that would allow this cut-off shorts and monkey hat-wearing no talent hack to stay on the show. For once, I shared Christian's opinion on something (still this Christian sucks balls....well, in the insulting kind of way).

As for predictions, it's clear that Rami and Christian are in the finals. If Jillian stops taking caffeine pills, she might get there. If not, I suppose Sweet P will slide in there.

Ricky or Chris will leave next week. Mark my consistently inaccurate words!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Minutes from the Westboro Baptist Church board meeting

CHAIR: Let's call this meeting to order. Does anyone else need a flyer? I want to make sure everyone has this statement memorized when we get to that city of piss and bile to protest the funeral of this ass-pillaging heathen in New York City. Or New York Shitty as I like to call it.

CO-CHAIR: Nice one, Chet.

[New member Gary raises hand]

CHAIR: Yes, the board recognizes you.

GARY: Uh, hi, everyone. I'm Gary, just joined the Church here. I've always been a big fan of the protests of dead soldiers' funerals that you guys put together. I'm really excited to get out there myself and jump in the mix too. But I'm just....I'm a little confused here.

SECRETARY: Well we're just so happy to have you join us here Gary. Now what are you confused about, doll?

GARY: Well, I don't quite understand why we're protesting Heath Ledger's funeral. I mean, he's not a soldier...and he's not gay...and aren't those the two big things we protest for? I mean, that's why I bought this yard sign from Rebekah to show off while wearing my boss jacket:
CHAIR: And I do love those new signs Rebekah! I mean those rainbow design really makes the words pop!

REBEKAH: Oh it wasn't nothin' at all! I just love those rainbow patterns. Of course Carl won't allow our youngest son to hang his rainbow suncatcher on the storm window now. He keeps calling my boy Davey a queer while taking the belt to him every time Davey tries to sneak it back on there. But you know how kids are.

GARY:, I mean the signs are great. In fact I wanted to order some more to give to my bowling team. It's I said...I don't understand how this relates to Heath Ledger.

CHAIR: [Guffawing heartily] Well, looks like Gary didn't read his flyer.

GARY: [Confused] No...I did. I read the flyer.

CHAIR: Well if you read the flyer you would notice that God hates Fag-Enablers just as much as he hates Fags!

GARY: OK. Well first off, I'm not sure, but I don't think you need to hyphenate Fag-Enablers, but that's your choice I suppose. Secondly, he was playing a part in a movie....

[Blank stares from the board]

GARY: ...and I'm not sure how him playing a part in a movie enables fags. I mean I watched "10 Things I Hate About You," and that didn't certainly didn't enable me to sing "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" to the hot chick on the soccer team. So I'm just wondering how "Brokeback...

CHAIR: [Interrupting] Don't even speak the name of that wretched piece of Godforsaken pornography! It glorifies those faggots and their lives of sin and decadence! It mocks God and encourages people to just run up the mountains and spend your time with the sheep, getting reamed in the pooper and chugging your cowboy buddy's wang every night! Those butt pirate cowboy actors, that chink director, and everyone else associated with that fudgepacking garbage will burn in the fiery pits of hell for eternity! Except Linda Cardellini of course, who is forgiven solely for her attachment to "Freaks and Geeks."

[Hank stands up]

HANK: Hang on talkin' like you actually SAW this abomination!

CHAIR: Of course I ain't seen it Hank! We don't actually see the movies we protest, you know that. I just know how them fags in Hollywood work.

HANK: Well I heard that Bubble Boy character gets what's coming to him at the end, so it's got a happy ending, ain't it?

GARY: Yeah, and I mean Heath Ledger's character is the top, so I mean he ain't even really gay in that movie, you know? Ain't like he's the catcher or nothing.

CHAIR: That's enough! Y'all are gettin off-track here. Now you see that line in the flyer that reads "God hates the
sordid, tacky bucket of slime seasoned with vomit known as 'Brokeback Mountain'?" I spent HOURS coming up with that line, and I'll be damned if we ain't gonna use it! Understand?

GARY: I just...I still don't quite get it.

HANK: Yeah, I don't get it either...and what about this sentence at the end...[Reading] "Heath Ledger is now in Hell, and has begun serving his eternal sentence there - beside which, nothing else about Heath Ledger is relevant or consequential."

CHAIR: Pretty good huh? I came up with that too. Let's see how people like them apples. [High fives co-chair.]

GARY: That's just awful sentence structure.

HANK: just follow me here. If, as you say, nothing aside from the fact that he's now burning in hell is relevant or consequential, then wouldn't that by definition mean that 'Brokeback Mountain' itself is irrelevant and inconsequential?

GARY: ...And if the movie is irrelevant and inconsequential, then why are we bothering to protest his funeral? I mean we're flat out stating on this flyer that nothing else about him matters. Ergo, the movie, and likewise our sole reason for protesting, doesn't matter at all. Why does the funeral itself even have consequence to us? We have no rational reason to show up!

[Blank stares from the attendants]

CHAIR: You two sound like a couple of real faggots.

Mom Jeans

Sorry, faithful readers, but I left my Runway notes at home, so you'll have to wait until this evening to read my thoughts on what was obviously a sub-par episode.

That said, please enjoy this related clip, as it will surely whet your whistle until I can properly blog:

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Keep the Car Running

Driving from the city of Chicago to the suburbs on a daily basis brings about several repeated moments of road rage. This is compounded on mornings like today's, when several inches of snow makes travel a grind. Anyone going from downtown to O'Hare had a tidy 2-hour-15-minute wait on the expressways. Sounds like a party!

But it really puts a crimp in the commute when a water main bursts and a damn street collapses into the earth!

This large newly-built pond used to be Montrose Ave., running through Lincoln Square and Ravenswood. The burst started overnight and caused massive flooding throughout the area. The restaurant unfortunately positioned behind the lake is El Torito, which one might assume could be closed for a bit.

Images copied from TheErin's flickr account.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Broke-Back for Another Season

Dungy Can't Quit Colts
Indianapolis fans, take heart. Your team didn't make it back to the Super Bowl this season, but the team announced Monday that coach Tony Dungy will return to the sideline next season.
Story Pasquarelli: NFL lucky to still have Dungy

* * *

The above pasted headline came from late Monday evening. Evidently someone in Bristol knows more about Tony Dungy's relationship with Colts owner Jim Irsay than most of the public knows.

Dungy's seemingly tenuous - but rock-solid for now - employment has had the media panties all in a bunch lately. Let's leave it at that. There's no need to bring Jack and Ennis into this.

Did I miss something? Perhaps someone at the Worldwide Leader is ironically reminding us of Dungy's position on gay marriage. Or maybe it's just a Patriots prick on a power trip. Who knows?

* * * Update * * *

By the time the story moved from a featured headline to the list of stories on the right side of, the headline had been changed to read "Dungy decides to remain Colts' coach."

Turn Around, I'll Pick Up the Slack

Church of God affiliated Anderson University just hosted their first on-campus dance in the school's 90 year history.

As noted in the Indianapolis Star, formal dances have been held off-campus for some time, liturgical dancing is permitted, and a dance minor is available.

However, this was the first time that the more than 2,800 Ravens would get a chance to cut a rug to the likes of Fergie, Kanye, and Justin Timberlake at the former home to Indianapolis Colts training camp. Music was "in line with university decency standards" - making JT's "SexyBack" an interesting choice: "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave."

Slightly, and stupidly, more humorous though, were the folks quoted in the article whose names may or may not comport with said decency standards.

Read along to musings from:
  • Brooke Hynds
  • Tim Johnson
  • Ben Titter (How'd this guy get accepted?)

Let's hope this is the start of something good. And to you, Ben Titter, Go 'head be gone with it!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I have 2 suitcases... filled with friendship and success


Right now, I'm so distraught, I can only turn to fashion designer Mugatu to express my feelings about Ricky staying:

"I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!!!"

I'll write more tomorrow, once I've had time to properly mourn Kit Pistol's demise.

For now, my feelings would best be expressed by Lloyd Christmas, as he bids farewell to his love, Mary....just before getting smacked in the face with an airbag.

Goodbye my love, indeed.

OK. I've calmed down. Onto the review of last night's show!

First of all, I had to look up "avant garde." And apparently all it means is stuff that isn't normal....stuff that's other words, it means clothing that no one would ever wear. Sounds like a job for the gay drag queen and his gay sprite sidekick! But we'll get to Chris and Christian in a sec.

Did you notice the Levi's photobooth commercial that aired during the show?

Notice anything different? Anything more Bravo TV about it? Anything avant garde?

Back to the competition. Because of the challenge, I really have no best and worst list. I tend to approve of clothes that are clothes instead of clothes that are not clothes. So instead, I thought I'd reveal the obvious combinations that the designers used to inspire their concoctions.

Victorya and Jillian:

This + this =

Kit and Ricky:

This + this =

Sweet P and Rami:

This + this =

Chris and Christian:

This + this =

Let's all just agree that at this point, me naming a current top three is pointless.

And predicting Ricky's departure? It's obvious the Runway gods are having their way with me this season.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

R.I.P. Vampira

There are very few things in life that will induce me to illicit an audible, emotive sigh. You know it well: "Ahhh."

I don't get moved too terribly by babies. They're more likely to make me laugh. Likewise, I've never been too much of a sucker for schmaltz. So one might imagine my own dismay when I caught myself letting out a melancholic Ahhhh tonight upon reading of the
death of Vampira at age 86.

In all honesty, I never was much of a fan for Maila Nurmi - that was her name, well, stage name. I've just been rather appreciative of her tertiary ties to two individuals that are hallmarks of my past.

Remarkably - to me at least - Vampira had direct connection to both the object of my adolescent hero worship, James Dean, and the campy, ironic anti-hero of my expatriation, Ed Wood. She was an odd at best, ten years senior love interest of Dean and later reluctant "star" of Wood's classic Plan 9 From Outer Space. (Oddly enough Martin Landau is in a similar boat, having been Dean's friend in New York and later starring in Tim Burton's 1994 opus Ed Wood. He won best supporting actor).

Vampira was one of the few people that could bridge a time in my life from age 13 to 23 in one fell swoop. For a decade dawned amid pubescent haze and exited with adultish acuity, few people, let alone ideas, could tie the boy to the man...not even myself for the most part. As time passes and one grows pensive - and closer to 30 day by day - one might try to revisit those old times. Memories are subjective at times and fleeting at worse, so its always fun to visit those static footnotes and also-rans than can conjure up recollections above suspicion. Vampira was one of those hyper-text-esque images and ideas that instantly catapulted me to another time.

More often than not, I'd run across her image as played - quite buxomly - by Lisa Marie in Tim Burton's Ed Wood. Seeing that pale analog of Morticia Addams can flash up images of borrowing an A to Z James Dean encyclopedia from a pudgy girl in freshman German class or late night carousing 60 miles from Hiroshima. Either way her vampish figure was an instant ticket to time travel.

I don't think I'll carve any initials in my arm tonight. If self-mutilation didn't present itself for Elliott Smith, I doubt it's every going to happen. However, I am once again reminded that I'm almost six years older than James Dean was when he died and I've recently eclipsed Ed Wood's age when he made the classic Glen or Glenda.

On the whole, I guess I'm just feeling lucky tonight. Lucky enough to have been enamoured with a hero at 13, thousands of miles from home at 23, and still caring about silly shit today.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

"I'm Not Feeling Fierce Right Now"

For once, I agree with Christian. Watching my alma mater at UD Arena last night created a fierceness in my soul that no Runway episode can rival. But, after catching up on last night's episode, and seeing my favorite to win it all get sent home, I can no longer be described as feeling fierce.

Let's start with the positives. I really enjoyed the challenge. Having 16-year-old girls as clients was a demographic that they hadn't used yet (though I fear they only have the toddler clientele left). And as a veteran of high school dance chaperoning, I felt like I might have a bit more expertise to offer in my criticism (though, truth be told, I'm usually busy tying guy's ties in the lobby during the homecoming dance, not critiquing the girls’ dresses that are usually 20% sluttier than their body (and social decency) permit. This challenge provided solid entertainment in, but not limited to, the following ways:

#1: The girls picked the designer they wanted. Victorya found out that she was the last to be picked. Chris found out that his girl didn’t know he was the drag queen wearing beach ball-sized tits in his portfolio.

#2: All of the designers were petrified of those high school girls. You could actually see the designers revert back to their artsy, rejected high school self, having to design the prom court’s dresses as punishment for wearing black or being out of uniform or dying their hair two colors.

#3: It forced Christian to look in a mirror (a symbolic mirror mind you....every episode features Christian looking in an actual the Treseme Hair Salon!!!).

#4: The prom pics of the designers they showed throughout were priceless. Sweet P was a Catholic schoolgirl slut that went to prom with Matthew McConaughay from Dazed and Confused. Kit was brunette (and permed, if I recall correctly). Christian was….well…his was just three years ago.

Alright, here’s my list, from my personal worst to best (with bonus quote from the show!):

Rami: “I’m from Jeruselam. We didn’t have prom”

I have you last because I’m a Runway purist. I think that the challenge is the most important aspect of the challenge (though the judges disagree). And you made yet another piece of portable drapery for a 40-year-old woman…or 40-year-old window treatment.

Christian: “I cannot let a 16-year-old girl overpower me”

You let a 16-year-old girl overpower you. And you made Tim Gunn sad. Don’t ever do that again.

Ricky: “(sob sob sob)”

You made a dress that was one shade more pale than your client. And those who know me understand I have no room to criticize the pigmentally-challenged. But come on. Also, I’m sick of the judges saying you are boring, and then keeping you around. I suspect NBC owns the stupid hat company that makes your stupid hats (probably the Sheinhardt Wig Company).

Kevin: “I’m putting a chastity belt inside of my garment”

The judges were right. It did look like $29.95. And they did foreshadow your departure. But doesn’t your previous work buy you a pass every now and then. Apparently not. So long, straight guy.

Jillian: “I never say anything interesting or funny” (may or may not have been said….but was definitely implied)

I thought the bottom looked a bit sloppy, and it didn’t seem to fit on top. But the color scheme would have been great at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance!

Victorya: “What did you like about my portfolio?” Girl: “Actually, I had the last pick”

You definitely made a dress that would realistically be worn by a high school girl. But you went a bit nuts with the Bedazzler.

Chris: “Erykha Ba-don’t!”

Not bad, my friend. The color was pretty bad, but you once again reigned in your natural tendency to drag queen-it-up!

Kit: “Very Orange County”

This was probably the best combination of personal design style, client requests, and challenge criteria. It’s tough to make a prom dress look remotely hip. You did it.

Sweet P: “I’m not going home because I’m listening to a teenager”

You made the most textbook prom dress, and you corrected the requests that the girl made, but you knew wouldn’t work. And yes, I picked you to leave this week. I think that yet again, it’s been proven that I have no clue what’s going on with this show. And yet, my blog is being viewed by tens of people a week!

So this is pretty futile at this point, as I have only predicted one departure correctly and two people I thought would make the final three have left, and everyone who called Christian’s inevitability gets to laugh at my anger every week. But still, I shall make my terrible predictions:

My current top three: Kit, Rami, Jillian

The next to go: Ricky (yes, again)

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

My Bad, Goose

As I was bopping about various news sites and blogs this afternoon I passed a headline detailing Rich "Goose" Gossage's singular election to the Baseball Hall of Fame. The story was accompanied with a recent photo of Goose complete with handlebar mustache.

I skimmed the article trying to discover the last player to be posthumously elected to the Hall before Gossage, but none was mentioned. I pulled up the Google News accounts and a second article made nary a mention of Gossage's recent demise. All reports plugged his 22-year career, 3.01 ERA and 310 career saves, but none brought up the fact that this guy would leave the induction podium unfortunately empty.

I just could not fathom how a player's untimely death is not part of any story about a legendary closer getting 86% of the writers' votes and then I remembered I'm not that big of a baseball fan.

Baseball is a very distant fifth on my sports ladder, but I'm still interested enough to be informed, albeit sometimes that information gets muddled once you throw in closers who played for both the Cubs and Padres and had distinctive facial hair.

Goose Gossage is heading to the Hall of Fame, and he's very much alive. Unlike Rod Beck, God rest his soul.

By the way, when oh when will the Hawk get his due? Put Andre Dawson in the Hall of Fame already.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Heidi's Got a Sweet Tooth!

Two weeks without Project Runway was tough for me to get through, so I can only imagine how difficult it was for my readers to go without my uninformed and usually way off-base criticism for two weeks. You all probably killed time by doing the whole holiday/family thing. But don't worry. Now you can go back to ignoring them and reading this!

Ok. Right off the bat, I have two requests for the producers. Request #1: can we please get rid of the model swapping? The models aren't part of the rest of the show. It seems awkward to the viewer that the designers even know their names, and most of the models have weird noses anyway. Plus, you've created a new reality show about models (that I made sure to avoid, knowing that Bravo reality shows are merely gateway drugs to other reality shows). Request #2: Do we have to have a one-minute, techno-soundtracked montage of the make-up and hair room? Last night, I think it prompted a small seizure.

In terms of the challenge this week, I thought it was a decent idea. The contestants had to ransack a Hershey's store, and use whatever they could grab. But that translated into everyone grabbing Hershey's and Reese's pillows, and making brown and orange dresses. Eh. And, I'm still trying to figure out why this challenge required them to get up at 6 a.m. I think Tim Gunn just wanted to show them that, even before the sun rises, he's suited up.

To the rankings (from worst to first, in my book)!

Elisa: Wow. My first prediction to come true! You were eliminated last night, after a string of being 2nd worst. This show typically foreshadows the contestant's departure, so when you revealed that you were once hit by a Porsche and was in a coma for 5 days I thought a) you're definitely gone and b) that explains everything. As my roommate said upon your departure, "Go back to your suck-ass life." Personally, I think that was uncalled for. Bu those silver floaties around your models arms were uncalled for too.

Jillian: Once again, the judges love something I hated. But again, I feel like they forgive a lot with Jillian because she's cute. Yes, she is the only one to make clothing out of food instead of cloth. But her licorice dominatrix outfit didn't fit. It moved beside the body as the model walked. Ultimately, shouldn't clothing actually fit?

Sweet P: Tim compared your 2nd attempt at a dress to a maxipad. That can't be good. You're probably the next to go.

Victorya: You are fading fast. You somehow managed to create something that is both boring and too busy. But then again, that's been my opinion of York Peppermint Patties for years. And not coincidentally, your dress looks a lot like the waitress outfits in this commercial.

Rami: I know you won this challenge, and that you're still in my final three, but I just can't support an outfit that makes my eyes bleed. You understand. Also, my friend thinks you're a slime bucket. And Peecan knows fashion.

Christian: Your model looked like Augustus Gloop's bedrooom floor after a Reese's cup binge. Not fierce, my friend. Not god awful fabulous.

Kit: Your outfit sort of hurt my eyes too. But, your bangs are starting to grow out slightly. So you got that goin' for you....which is nice. And, as someone who has been sporting the stupid-looking faux hawk for about 8 years now, your model's faux hawk looked stupid.

Chris: You were in the top three last night, but I think that was a matter of exceeding expectations rather than actually making something. You dress didn't seem to show your model's form. But the judges were just happy that you didn't have a Rockette dancing candy bar come out on the runway. And by the way, I would never call you "Chunkister." I can't say the same for my friends who were watching with me (and the unnamed person who called you that was actually rooting for you).

Ricky: You need to pray that the show keeps giving people ridiculous challenges with some sort of gimick, and don't ask designers to create something realistic. But I have to admit, the slightly Kiss-shaped (the candy, not the band) boddess sort of worked. Again, it fit, and apparently I find that to be important.

Kevin: You are doing exactly what you need to do to win this thing. You make stuff that is the most wearable. In these early rounds of oddball competitions, that doesn't win you much, but it is creating a resume that will forgive any potential slip-ups that you might have. I will say this: I have never seem someone in real life wear a jacket that only has sleeves. And yet, there's at least one on each episode. I don't get it.

My current top three: Kevin, Rami, Kit

The next to go: Sweet P