Thursday, January 10, 2008

"I'm Not Feeling Fierce Right Now"

For once, I agree with Christian. Watching my alma mater at UD Arena last night created a fierceness in my soul that no Runway episode can rival. But, after catching up on last night's episode, and seeing my favorite to win it all get sent home, I can no longer be described as feeling fierce.

Let's start with the positives. I really enjoyed the challenge. Having 16-year-old girls as clients was a demographic that they hadn't used yet (though I fear they only have the toddler clientele left). And as a veteran of high school dance chaperoning, I felt like I might have a bit more expertise to offer in my criticism (though, truth be told, I'm usually busy tying guy's ties in the lobby during the homecoming dance, not critiquing the girls’ dresses that are usually 20% sluttier than their body (and social decency) permit. This challenge provided solid entertainment in, but not limited to, the following ways:

#1: The girls picked the designer they wanted. Victorya found out that she was the last to be picked. Chris found out that his girl didn’t know he was the drag queen wearing beach ball-sized tits in his portfolio.

#2: All of the designers were petrified of those high school girls. You could actually see the designers revert back to their artsy, rejected high school self, having to design the prom court’s dresses as punishment for wearing black or being out of uniform or dying their hair two colors.

#3: It forced Christian to look in a mirror (a symbolic mirror mind you....every episode features Christian looking in an actual the Treseme Hair Salon!!!).

#4: The prom pics of the designers they showed throughout were priceless. Sweet P was a Catholic schoolgirl slut that went to prom with Matthew McConaughay from Dazed and Confused. Kit was brunette (and permed, if I recall correctly). Christian was….well…his was just three years ago.

Alright, here’s my list, from my personal worst to best (with bonus quote from the show!):

Rami: “I’m from Jeruselam. We didn’t have prom”

I have you last because I’m a Runway purist. I think that the challenge is the most important aspect of the challenge (though the judges disagree). And you made yet another piece of portable drapery for a 40-year-old woman…or 40-year-old window treatment.

Christian: “I cannot let a 16-year-old girl overpower me”

You let a 16-year-old girl overpower you. And you made Tim Gunn sad. Don’t ever do that again.

Ricky: “(sob sob sob)”

You made a dress that was one shade more pale than your client. And those who know me understand I have no room to criticize the pigmentally-challenged. But come on. Also, I’m sick of the judges saying you are boring, and then keeping you around. I suspect NBC owns the stupid hat company that makes your stupid hats (probably the Sheinhardt Wig Company).

Kevin: “I’m putting a chastity belt inside of my garment”

The judges were right. It did look like $29.95. And they did foreshadow your departure. But doesn’t your previous work buy you a pass every now and then. Apparently not. So long, straight guy.

Jillian: “I never say anything interesting or funny” (may or may not have been said….but was definitely implied)

I thought the bottom looked a bit sloppy, and it didn’t seem to fit on top. But the color scheme would have been great at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance!

Victorya: “What did you like about my portfolio?” Girl: “Actually, I had the last pick”

You definitely made a dress that would realistically be worn by a high school girl. But you went a bit nuts with the Bedazzler.

Chris: “Erykha Ba-don’t!”

Not bad, my friend. The color was pretty bad, but you once again reigned in your natural tendency to drag queen-it-up!

Kit: “Very Orange County”

This was probably the best combination of personal design style, client requests, and challenge criteria. It’s tough to make a prom dress look remotely hip. You did it.

Sweet P: “I’m not going home because I’m listening to a teenager”

You made the most textbook prom dress, and you corrected the requests that the girl made, but you knew wouldn’t work. And yes, I picked you to leave this week. I think that yet again, it’s been proven that I have no clue what’s going on with this show. And yet, my blog is being viewed by tens of people a week!

So this is pretty futile at this point, as I have only predicted one departure correctly and two people I thought would make the final three have left, and everyone who called Christian’s inevitability gets to laugh at my anger every week. But still, I shall make my terrible predictions:

My current top three: Kit, Rami, Jillian

The next to go: Ricky (yes, again)


Ross McLochness said...

Dare I tease you: Ricky cries! Sweet P doesn't wear a bra! and Tim Gunn sounds like he doesn't believe anything he's saying!

You'll be so surprised.

Ross McLochness said...

Well done.

But, how can you dismiss Kevin with no mention of his Jersey-prom, steering-wheel-sized single earring?

Clare said...

Yet another riveting Costello rundown. Well worth the one-day delay. I am, however, surprised by your failure to mention Kevin's nod to his Jersey roots...or the fact that he looked like Jersey's version of AC Slater in his prom picture. But everyone has an off day I suppose.