Thursday, January 03, 2008

Heidi's Got a Sweet Tooth!

Two weeks without Project Runway was tough for me to get through, so I can only imagine how difficult it was for my readers to go without my uninformed and usually way off-base criticism for two weeks. You all probably killed time by doing the whole holiday/family thing. But don't worry. Now you can go back to ignoring them and reading this!

Ok. Right off the bat, I have two requests for the producers. Request #1: can we please get rid of the model swapping? The models aren't part of the rest of the show. It seems awkward to the viewer that the designers even know their names, and most of the models have weird noses anyway. Plus, you've created a new reality show about models (that I made sure to avoid, knowing that Bravo reality shows are merely gateway drugs to other reality shows). Request #2: Do we have to have a one-minute, techno-soundtracked montage of the make-up and hair room? Last night, I think it prompted a small seizure.

In terms of the challenge this week, I thought it was a decent idea. The contestants had to ransack a Hershey's store, and use whatever they could grab. But that translated into everyone grabbing Hershey's and Reese's pillows, and making brown and orange dresses. Eh. And, I'm still trying to figure out why this challenge required them to get up at 6 a.m. I think Tim Gunn just wanted to show them that, even before the sun rises, he's suited up.

To the rankings (from worst to first, in my book)!

Elisa: Wow. My first prediction to come true! You were eliminated last night, after a string of being 2nd worst. This show typically foreshadows the contestant's departure, so when you revealed that you were once hit by a Porsche and was in a coma for 5 days I thought a) you're definitely gone and b) that explains everything. As my roommate said upon your departure, "Go back to your suck-ass life." Personally, I think that was uncalled for. Bu those silver floaties around your models arms were uncalled for too.

Jillian: Once again, the judges love something I hated. But again, I feel like they forgive a lot with Jillian because she's cute. Yes, she is the only one to make clothing out of food instead of cloth. But her licorice dominatrix outfit didn't fit. It moved beside the body as the model walked. Ultimately, shouldn't clothing actually fit?

Sweet P: Tim compared your 2nd attempt at a dress to a maxipad. That can't be good. You're probably the next to go.

Victorya: You are fading fast. You somehow managed to create something that is both boring and too busy. But then again, that's been my opinion of York Peppermint Patties for years. And not coincidentally, your dress looks a lot like the waitress outfits in this commercial.

Rami: I know you won this challenge, and that you're still in my final three, but I just can't support an outfit that makes my eyes bleed. You understand. Also, my friend thinks you're a slime bucket. And Peecan knows fashion.

Christian: Your model looked like Augustus Gloop's bedrooom floor after a Reese's cup binge. Not fierce, my friend. Not god awful fabulous.

Kit: Your outfit sort of hurt my eyes too. But, your bangs are starting to grow out slightly. So you got that goin' for you....which is nice. And, as someone who has been sporting the stupid-looking faux hawk for about 8 years now, your model's faux hawk looked stupid.

Chris: You were in the top three last night, but I think that was a matter of exceeding expectations rather than actually making something. You dress didn't seem to show your model's form. But the judges were just happy that you didn't have a Rockette dancing candy bar come out on the runway. And by the way, I would never call you "Chunkister." I can't say the same for my friends who were watching with me (and the unnamed person who called you that was actually rooting for you).

Ricky: You need to pray that the show keeps giving people ridiculous challenges with some sort of gimick, and don't ask designers to create something realistic. But I have to admit, the slightly Kiss-shaped (the candy, not the band) boddess sort of worked. Again, it fit, and apparently I find that to be important.

Kevin: You are doing exactly what you need to do to win this thing. You make stuff that is the most wearable. In these early rounds of oddball competitions, that doesn't win you much, but it is creating a resume that will forgive any potential slip-ups that you might have. I will say this: I have never seem someone in real life wear a jacket that only has sleeves. And yet, there's at least one on each episode. I don't get it.

My current top three: Kevin, Rami, Kit

The next to go: Sweet P


Peecan said...

1.) Peecan, not Pee dash Can. Not a big whoop but bro seriously?

2.) York peppermint patties freaking rule. Again, not a big whoop, but bro seriously!!

3.) Leslie said chunkister

David Dust said...

I peed a just little bit when I read this. Seriously funny.

Click here for DavidDust’s Project Runway recap.

Anonymous said...

I tend to not watch teh show episode by episode, but I watched just this episode of the marathon over Christmas. I agree with you on the new model show, i mean really, one more adn I will scream. York peppermint patties suck, agreed, and people should start makign mroe wearable stuff. I laughed out loud the end