Friday, September 26, 2008

Pro Run Ep 11: "If They Mated" Edition

Enough with my analysis. I give you the "If They Mated" edition of the Pro Run blog. Enjoy.

lead singer from Bloc Party + Jack Skellington = Suede's design for Jerell

M.I.A. + Laurie Forman from That 70's Show = Kenley's design for Leanne

Todd Cleary + Rainbow Bright = Korto's design for Suede

The Pussycat Dolls + Felicity Shagwell = Jerell's design for Kenley

Dolly Parton + Cowboy Troy = Leanne's design for Korto

I'm looking forward to next week's Cryfest (maybe Ricky and Andre will come back to guest judge).

I'm holding strong with my final three predictions. However, they are pushing very hard for Kenley to get the boot. Her past performaces saved her this week. I think she'll get the Santino pass one more time. Sorry, Leanne.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Pro Run Ep 10

I'd like to dedicate this blog entry to the pigeon that died on top of Jerell's head last night.

A moment of silence, please.

Well, after my long hiatus from Project Runway blogging, I returned to find Blayne (the poor man's Christian Soriano) and Terri (the poor man's Diana Ross) were gone. And we're left with contestants, two of which clearly have no chance (Suede and Joe). So the next few weeks are pretty simple: can Leanne knock out Jerell for the final spot in the finals with Kenley and Korto?

A few scribbles from my notepad last night:
  • Evening gowns for's no more ridiculous than making dresses out of Saturns
  • While forcing the designers to work with clients always creates more drama, do actual designers ever do this? Don't they just make whatever crap they want and throw it on the runway?
  • I have a theory that those college grads were all previous cast members of My Super Sweet Sixteen with giant fake noses......what? those were their real noses?....that's sad.
  • Everyone ripping on Joe's outfit was probably the first time this season I genuinely laughed outloud. Nancy Reagan indeed!
And onto the designs!
Joe - The moment I saw that popped collar, I knew you were a gonner. Use your pocket square to dry your tears.

Leanne - I completely support your decision to equip your client a bullet-proof shawl. I've seen Dangerous Minds.

Jerell - You are killin' it. But your model was shaped exactly like you....I suspect you just grabbed that outfit out of our closet....but were too selfish to give her the hat too.

Korto - I think this oufit looks ridiculous, but you consistetly follow the guidelines of the challenge, and yet it always looks like you made it. Korto, the goddess of having a clear aesthetic (I have no clue what that means. Maybe Kenley will tell me).

Kenley - They've edited you into an arrogant asshole. I bet you're just arrogant. You're in danger of becoming the one-note wonder that Uli was a few seasons ago. Then again, Uli did make it to the finals.

So, it seems pretty clear that Suede will leave us next week. Then, I'm gonna predict that Leanne overtakes Jerell to make it to the final three.

And in preparation for next week's hip hop episode (everyone but Korto will fail miserably at this), I leave you with my favorite jam from Ladies Love Cool James:

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Prepare for the Bloodbath

The Indianapolis Motor Speedway is hosting the Michelin MotoGP race this weekend, and evidently things are going to get messy.

According to news sources, the MotoGP brings a few things to each of its host cities: 100,000 spectators, economic injections, and lots and lots of death.

I first came across this on an evening newscast, and then re-read the same general information online. Let's see if I have this straight. According to the story I first saw, due to the increase in motorcycle traffic surrounding these races, host cities should expect to triple - that's tree times - their normal level of donorcycle fatalities. My favorite story quotes officials preparing for motorcycle fatalities to "end up in the dozens."

Dozens, folks. That's minimum 24 , but more likely upwards of 40. Seriously.

Indianapolis hosts many events that garner crowds in excess of 100,000 every year, mainly the Indianapolis 500, Brickyard 400, Black Expo, and to a certain extent, many conventions and trade shows including GenCon. The two races bring their rash of public intox arrests and a lewd conduct here and there. Black Expo - after a few black-eye years - was largely issue free this summer. And GenCon, well what can you say about a bunch of sweaty guys in black t-shirts playing Magic the Gathering at Steak 'n Shake until 4:00 in the morning? Maybe a few curfew violations at worst. Regardless, none of these events are clocking in with body counts in the dozens! That is, of course, disregarding the countless hordes of Glondorian dwarves slaughtered by this guy.

The crazy thing is that race and city officials are basing these estimates on previous races. MotoGP must be the most dangerous sport in the world. To put it mathematically, if you're one of the 100,000 attendees and we're expecting 40 to 50 deaths you have in the neighborhood of 1 in 2000 chance of dying. That's worse than most of these horrible possibilities, and roughly 35 times the normal chance of dying on a motorcycle placing it somewhere between fires and natural disasters. Is this damn race worth the risk?

Seriously, if any of the aforementioned events brought a death toll like this annually, it would be canceled in a heartbeat. By comparison, there were 23 US military deaths in Iraq for August. By definition, that is not "dozens."

* * *

My cooler head is setting in. Maybe these estimates are inflated to scare all drivers - be they of the 2 or 4-wheel variety - into being more cautious. Likewise, the 'consider the source' mentality wants me to pop over to Google News and dig up reports from cities that have hosted similar events. Maybe it's just that these sources don't really understand the word "fatality." No matter what I find, I'm not going to be happy because either A) these officials are lying to the public hoping fear will keep us in line or B) the reports are true and my street - a haven for late-night 2-wheeled shenanigans - will gush with blood.

Either way, I'm gonna run like hell if I see Kellen Winslow or Ben Roethlisberger anywhere near me this weekend.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

I Have No Words

I was driving home tonight after watching Purdue limp through a 42 - 10 victory over Northern Colorado. The Cubs were facing the Reds, and I had WGN for the first few miles, but lost that signal as soon as a cloud unshrouded the moon.

Lucky enough, WLW - 700 AM can be heard in the Philippines on a clear night, so the game was still available. The only trade of course was a swap of Ron Santo for Marty Brennaman.

The Cubs were laying the wood to the Reds, but that wouldn't be the only wood of the evening. After breaking his bat, Cubs reserve Micah Hoffpauir went for a new bat. What then flowed from the luxurious lungs of Brennaman left me thoroughly speechless.

"They always feel good when they're sporting new wood."

Friday, September 05, 2008

Barely Useful

It's clear that Project Runway just isn't inspiring me the way it used to. Call it the post-Rami blues.

But as a peace offering to my faithful readers who have been so disappointed in me, I offer an article I just wrote for Semiuseful, an outstandingly funny, cynical, and insightful online magazine-blog hybrid (I believe the term we're trying to coin is "magblog") that was launched by a few sassy Indy philosophers.

In this issue, I debate the age-old question: who is better -- Tom Jones or Neil Diamond?

Explore previous issues that tackle such hardhitting subject matters as the best mac 'n cheese option, the history of the little black comb (remember, they pass it out on school picture day), the best 10 fights in cinema, and of course, Saved By the Bell trivia.