Wednesday, February 06, 2008

"I Feel Like The Pope At A Sex Club"

Early bird! I'm writing this the night of the show!

5 minutes into this episode, just as the muscle and boob-implanted wrestlers were revealed, my friend Greg proclaimed "Chris will win." And I suppose it was a foregone conclusion. When the challenge is to dress up women who are built like men, but also have fake boobs, it makes sense to put your money on the guy who makes tranny outfits.

Greg is the unofficial author of this blog, because throughout the course of the show, he coined a variety of phrases that propelled us through the show.

Side note: Pro Ru (yeah, we've abbreviated's that cool) has become a social event amongst my friends, even though it's a foreign language to most of us. We plan to get a projector for the last episode, eat chips and dip, and sssshhhhh everyone so we can watch the commercials.

Greg's coined phrases:

"Rompin' Rami"

  • coined in the opening shot, when Rami was laying provocatively in his bed, and Jillian was curling up next to him like Princess Leia
"Christian is Meg White"
  • coined when Christian's red pants were revealed
"Jillian: She's got the legs!"
  • coined when Jillian got dolled up for the runway
  • coined during the following text message conversation between Greg and his gal pal...we'll call her "Schmallory"
    • Greg: Chris will win.
    • Schmallory: No, Christian will.
    • Greg: Those chaps are good.
    • Schmallory: Better then mine.
    • Greg (after Chris victory was declared): Hate to say Itoldyouso
Well, even though I can claim to have seen WWE wrestling live (in 3rd grade, I saw the Ultimate Warrior beat Andre the Giant in 8 seconds at Market Square Arena. Even then, I felt gipped), I can't say that I know much about these slutty wrestlers (though, I guess Shawn Michaels was a bit slutty, back in the day). But let's see what I think:

Chris - The challenge seemed catered to his skills, and come on - a hoodie! You can't go wrong with hoodies!

Christian - Sweet P called you a skinny-armed twit. Truer words have never been spoken. I thought the design was top-heavy, and when you're climbing the ropes, I think that'd be a problem. Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka would never wear that.

Jillian - I think Jillian might have plagiarized her outfit. At the very least, it was inspired by one of Hef's girlfriends.

Rami - You were handicapped by the fact that your model looked like a male Heidi Klum impersonator. And you were handicapped by knowing nothing about American culture. You can into this problem on the prom episode. And this was sort of similar. The WWE is like the prom for whores and drug addicts. Your outfit made her look like both....maybe that means it was the best.

Sweet P - You fluffed your model's boobs. You're a perv. You also took Jillian's place from last week as "the one hitting her breaking point." Plus, the outfit looked like an ammenity at the Sybaris.

Ricky - Free at last!! Free at last!! Thank God Almight, I am free at last!!!

Current top three: Christian, Jillian, Rami (I would say Chris, but the oddball challenges are probably done, so Rami will do fine the rest of the way)

The next to go: I'm gonna say Chris. Yeah, Chris. How's that for a prediction, Greg?!


Garman said...

Costello, you really need to take your time writing this blog! How could you not mention one of the most shocking and ironic twists in the history of modern television:

In the episode when he is FINALLY voted off, Ricky cries a total of ZERO times and exits in a quasi-professional manner.

*Side note: I've made it a habit lately of turning Pro Ru and Rock of Love into drinking games. For example, our Pro Ru rules are: drink every time one of the following happens: Christian says Fierce, Ricky Cries, Tim Gunn says Make it work or Fabulous, Chris kackles maniacally, etc. At the beginning of the show, everyone has to choose a winner and the person who will be voted off. For correct guesses, players can hand out shots to those who guessed incorrectly.

*Side note to the side note--This always results in getting you HAMMERED. For example, even though Ricky didn't cry last night, Christian said fierce about 27 times. Don't do this on Wednesday night...DVR the show and try it on a Saturday. You NEED to do this for the finale.

Costello said...

On your first point, you are so right. This was the first time I wrote the blog immediately after the show, instead of letting it soak in overnight. Neglecting to mention the irony of Ricky's dry tear ducts is inexcusable.

On your side note, you are so right. We will definitely partake in those festivities for the finale.

On your side note to the side note, you are so right. Your ability to drink strategically has not faded since college. That'll come in handy June 20-22.