Horse tranquilizers

I'm not telling you anything new when I say that if you see an Indiana Pacer out in public, there is a good chance that said Pacer may try to shoot you. It's inevitable, but those are the stakes.

And yet, according to an enlightening report from the Boston Globe, the only Pacers with guns (or at least licensed guns) were those that make up the infamous Club Rio Trio. A more surprising fact is that the Pacers have nothing on the Colts when it comes to packing heat. Check out the list of boys in blue who not only excel in putting Tom Brady in his place, but also in carrying firearms. You have to love the impressive, quiet dignity with which Marvin Harrison keeps his gun concealed. (P.S. Marvin, your license has expired!)

Truth be told, this only confirms what has been suspected for quite some time: You do NOT step to Jeff Saturday.