I Hates Geeses to Pieces

I'm a golfer, insomuch as I own golf clubs, buy golf balls and tees, and spend as much time as God permits on golf courses.

In this summer alone, I'll play on courses that range in price from $9.00 to $90.00, and invariably in my part of the world what these courses lack in price similarity they more than make up in a common nuisance.

Geese.

Canada Geese to be exact.

These black-and-white-necked fowl are the bane of many golfer's existence. They're fond of water, and golf courses offer the kind of urban oasis - large open space often dotted with ponds and lakes - that just sound the siren song to these web-footed scoundrels.

Enter the city of Rochester, Indiana. The city council will begin debate on a measure introduced by the Round Barn Golf Club to allow hunting amid the estimated 1,000 Canada Geese that call the course home over the winter.

Some may call this cruel, but ask any golfer and he'll gladly reach into his bag and let you borrow his shotgun. These damn geese can be aggressive. Almost every golfer has a goose story. One that's been related to me involves an angry female, a frightened foursome, and a fast-moving tree limb...and death I believe.

But the more ubiquitous problem doesn't lie in goose behavior but goose remainders. That's right: goose shit. The article articulates the "health hazards" that these geese provide. While most golfers aren't finding themselves dripping in histoplasmosis, it sure is hard to read your putt with a green, goose turd right in your line. That just flies in the face of golf etiquette.

I expect the Rochester city council to approve the opportunity for five locals to have an open slaughter on the seventh tee box. However, I envision a murderer's remorse falling on these chosen hunters because many of the geese have become emboldened by their regular relations with golfers and show little fear around humans. It'll be like the machine gunners who closed their eyes as wave after wave of British, French, and ANZAC troops stormed into the open at Gallipoli only to be mowed down.

It's gonna be ugly. Goose parts everywhere. Mind if I play through?