Monday, December 18, 2006

Coming to the UEFA Cup - Vatican Hoodlums

What on heaven or earth could be better than a soccer/futbol team owing its allegiance to the Holy See?

That's right, talk is the Vatican is thinking of fielding a soccer team that would compete at the professional level, possibly Italy's fabled Serie A.

We knew this was only a matter of time since most Europeans can't wait for the Rapture to settle the girding hostilities between good and evil. At the same time, the Vatican eleven can legitimately compete with the ever-present fascist clubs, kick their ass and then absolve them of their sins.

Can't you just see their uniform kits now? Black shorts and shirts with a splash of white for the Roman collar. The keeper could don a blazing cardinal set complete with zuchetto (that's the pope beanie for you uninitiated). FIFA may need to adopt a new rule for players with rosaries dangling from their hips. Offsides is already a venial sin. And all missed headers will be officially notated as JTB's in deference to John the Baptist losing his header to Herod's daughter, Salome.

The possibilities are endless. Much like their nicknames: Papists, Fish-eaters, Re-Lent-less. I can already see them lining up for an infamous Sr. Alma Marie "Go Stand in the Corner" kick.

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