Thursday, September 21, 2006

Road Warrior

And now, a list of things that I have wondered about the past few days inbetween traveling to fish for sharks in San Diego:

- The "Dick Clark's American Bandstand Restaurant" in the Denver airport had 3 full bottle of Courvoisier sitting on the shelf. This seemed unnecessary. I'm sure a decent amount of people have indulged in Courvoisier while tearing through Dick's "wango tango nachos", but they could probably keep at least 2 of the bottles down below with the excess liquor. Or maybe they were just trying to impress me with all the bottles there? If so, color me impressed.

- Take a look at that boat in the picture. Doesn't it seem a little small to be fishing for sharks 20 miles out in the Pacific Ocean? Or is it just me? By the way, I'm the blob in the orange shirt and white hat trying not to throw up.

- After hearing Tim McGraw's version of "When the Stars Go Blue", I've come to the conclusion that country music radio would be well served if a Ryan Adams cover was played once an hour. Actually, I would recommend country radio stations actually play Ryan Adams songs, but we'll keep this suggestion realistic.

- The Dateline sting shows are still going on! What do you think Chris Hansen's parents tell their friends about what their son does for a living? There must be a nice way to sugar coat the phrase "self promoting journalistically retarded hack" when referring to your son, wouldn't you think?

- On my redeye flight back to Indy, I was reminded of a doctrine put forth by fellow BIBJ contributor Ross that there should be an upgrade option to fly on a baby-free flight. I'm not proud to admit that I was wondering if I should punch a screaming 2-year-old in the face, but I ultimately thought better of it and repressed those urges. I did, however, help security forcibly subdue a woman in her mid-70's trying to smuggle liquid lip balm onto a flight. These colors don't run, grandma! Take your liquid induced jihad somewhere else.

- When traveling alone, there are few things more entertaining than having a hotel bar chat with someone who has a foreign accent, especially Irish lasses who tell you to quit "having a laugh" when you make fun of them. Brilliant phrase, that one.

- If these clips are any indication, the new season of Extras should be outstanding.

- I saw "The Last Kiss" and can sum it up with this review: Good director, great actors (I never thought I would be impressed with the acting chops of a Real World cast member), but an ungodly terrible script ruins everything (much like "Crash" - hey the same guy wrote both movies!) Yet the soundtrack seems to have gotten more hype than the film, as it follows "Garden State" in the catalogue of Zach Braff mixtapes. This is an amazing perk of being famous - your mixtapes win you Grammy awards. Grammy awards! Most music geeks would be happy if their mixtape got them an awkward handjob.

- Moving sucks. That's all.

This is how I direct sharks.


Anonymous said...

Your writing is great and I think you are fine looking. Are you attached? Just wondering.
A dedicated reader

Ross McLochness said...

You don't have to post comments "anonymously" to impress us.