Thursday, May 18, 2006

Ponce de Leon

Why live longer? We are constantly bombarded with products and procedures that are better for us and help in some facet of our lives. Now untraditional antioxidants are creeping into desserts with little or no resistance. Conversely, we are seeing a decrease in bacon related dishes. The other day someone offered me green tea ice cream after the main course was finished. Why not just serve it with creamed spinach and then sprinkle some asparagus shavings on top. This is all due to the fact that people want to have the life expectancy of George Burns.

When you think about it, people have imminent pain in their future. Older generations don't speak of this pain because they know suicide rates will climb like a sherpa with life insurance. I believe the pain all starts slowly with the awkwardness of asking a future father in-law for "permission" then it continues on with the 15 year high school anniversary. Mix in cleaning up your children's 3am vomit fest and your 30's are tolerable but not bad. It’s later on in life when it all does go from bad to worse, your being fitted for dentures, they fix you with telescope glasses and your trying to pass a stone the size of Gibraltor. Then the mother of them all is the old colonoscopy exams that happen every two years. Legend has it that Vince Lombardi died of colon cancer for the mere fact that he wasn't going to let them probe up the old dirt road. This is the man that won seven NFL Championships and the league even named the Super Bowl trophy after him! Let that sink in. This guy never lost and here he is, taken down because he was a man’s man. There is no escape.

Socially the waters might get a bit choppy with the fact that social security could collapse, Iran might have a nuke and every other gloom & doom report in current events. Its not quite "We didn't Start the Fire" but close. Cheers to you Piano Man. Its extraordinary that with all of this staring people in the face, they want to extend out their life line to try to hit triple digits. Thinking about it, I guess the elderly have their spoils. Who else could get away with doing 35 in the left lane, farting in an elevator and wearing a hair piece that Marv Albert would snicker at? Waiter, a round of green tea ice cream!

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