Pro Run Ep 2 - Grass Is Always Greener

I'm glad to see that their bitterness in losing Project Runway to Lifetime hasn't caused Bravo to abandon its formula for reality competition shows. Like clockwork, we get the opening scene of "the next morning" and the contestants lamenting the departure of their dear friend who they had known for 20 hours. Alas, the show must go on.

This week, the competition required the designers to use green materials (eco-green, not hue-green). But that aspect seemed to be more about limiting their options than saving the planet. And their clients, the models, really didn't add much to the challenge (isn't that the client nearly every week?). But the designers lost their collective s*** when they were told that the model would do the shopping. This is a prime example of how because I know nothing about fashion and/or design, I didn't really understand what the fuss was about. Luckily, I was watching the show with an fashion designer (yes, I have a tutor this season!), and she assured me that, yes, their lost s*** was indeed warranted. You don't ask the customer (instead of the cook) to buy the ingredients for their meal.

But I digress. On to the designs:

Blayne – A bit too 'Tiffany Mall Tour '87" for me, but a solid, middle of the road effort (this tends you get you fairly far in this game). But a word of warning: stop being to be this year's Christian Soriano. It's almost as annoying as Christian Soriano. Plus, Amy Poehler has that down pat.


Daniel – The whole pockets-in-a-dress thing still sits weird with me. It looks like the girl is thinking "harumph." Still, it could legitimately be worn, so you're in the top half for sure.

Emily – I can’t think of anything to make fun of on this one….i guess that means it’s good.


Jerell – I’ve never seen a hooker from the Ukraine, but I think you just made a Ukranian hooker dress.


Jennifer – The kindergarten teacher strikes again! Orange and silver: you can’t rhyme them with anything, but dammit if they don’t go together well on this dress (morange and bilver?....no).


Joe – Yawn…..oh wait, you put a hole in the middle of it….yawn.


Keith – Did you mean to create the appearance of an ultra-hip diaper by making a floor-length dress, then lifting it all up and safety pinning it? Because that’s what you did.


Kelli – Sorry dude, I’m not down with the asymmetrical blue piece in the middle. Don’t make me compare you to Denise Huxtable.


Kenley – Atta girl. This one doesn’t beat anyone over the head with innovation, but it doesn’t give you anything to critique. Atta girl.


Korto – If you break down because you were in the final three, you have no shot making it through many more rounds. You should study up on the Santino method (be in the bottom three every other episode, but act like your s*** don’t stink, and the producers will demand that you stay) .


Leanne – Yeah, YOU’RE the Denise Huxtable of this group (to my faithful readers, yes. This is the 2nd time I've used this clip. So I'm lazy). Oh, and your model looked like the tin man had been recast as the copper man. Why don't you cry about it.


Stella – I don’t think I’ve ever disagreed with the judges more. When they teased to the commercial break with the judges saying something to the effect of “short, tight, and shiny is the quickest way to looking cheap,” I was sure they were talking about this dress. Apparently Michael Kors and Nina Garcia are working on costuming for the Boogie Nights' sequel...or Dancing with the Stars...or Def Leppard's drummer (too soon?).


Suede – Was your dress deserving of the top three? Definitely. Was it the best one? I’m not so sure. But apparently Natalie Portman had a lot of swing as the guest judge (and with the band Ozma). I will say this: that dress doesn’t look easy to make, and you didn’t bitch as much as most designers do on this show when they make something difficult. That bodes well for you in the rest of the competition.


Terri – I didn’t have to think very hard while looking at this dress….maybe that’s why it was my favorite.


Wesley – You have disgraced the good name of your mentor, Marc Jacobs. He’ll probably relapse to his dorky ways of the past. Or he’ll just spank you.

So, my favorite three designs for this challenge: (1) Terri (2) Kenley (3) Emily

And now….for my selection of who I think will make it to the final three (assuming Bravo doesn’t wuss out as in seasons past and have a final four): Kenley. Suede. Emily.

The next to go: Korto (the goddess of unflattering dresses)

Bad Idea Show Review: Pitchfork Music Festival in Union Park

Last weekend in Chicago, Union Park held the Pitchfork Music Festival. While we skipped out on Friday night (I have no desire to see Flavor Flav rap – though I can’t stop watching him date skanks), we took in all of Saturday and Sunday. Here’s the rundown:

Fashion

The hipsters infiltrated Union Park in full force. Here’s a list of the uniform:


- Galoshes – every damn girl in the park sported them.
- Sunglasses – preferably gigantic and neon
- Stupid facial hair – handlebar moustaches, if possible
- Short shorts – men only
- High-waisted pants - girls only
- Tribal tattoo – every white kid

But that’s neither here nor there. I’ll be brief with my rundown of bands. Here’s who I saw and what I thought:

Saturday

Caribou – more like Cari-BOO!!! Actually, I only caught a couple songs, and while dueling drummers is cool, it wasn’t enough to keep my attention

Fleet Foxes – they’re harmonies were pitch-perfect (probably because the keyboardist habitually held his finger to his left ear…what a douche), and their Shins/My Morning Jacket hybrid seemed to work fairly well. Sadly, they didn’t fulfil my wish of covering “Aimee.”

Vampire Weekend – eh. They were fine. Lacked energy (sort of like this review). Only their last song, “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa,” was pretty sweet, though.

The Hold Steady – they stole the entire weekend. They were clearly having fun on stage, and rocking as well as rolling on a day that lacked much of either. Craig Finn was running around the stage, with what I can only imagine was an internal monolgue of “OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THIS IS AWESOME OH MY GOD THIS IS SWEEEET!!!!” And come on, that kind of energy is infectious. Watching him perform is sort of like watching Ed Grimley front the E Street Band.



Jarvis Cocker – my only hope was that William Shatner would come out and sing “Common People” with him….that didn’t happen

Animal Collective – they aren’t my cup of tea (music that I can’t tap my foot to annoys me), but the hipsters were having a ball (and by ball, I mean drugs)

Sunday

The Apples in Stereo – I love this band. And they did nothing more or less than any of their albums. The blazing sun sort of prevented their poppy jams from being too inspiring.

Les Savy Fav - take a fat hairy dude, put him in a one-legged leotard (think Flo Jo), and have him murmur funny little quips between songs, and you’ve got Les Savy Fav (or Zach Ganifianakis).

M. Ward – any show that starts with a whistling old man is destined for greatness. And M. Ward jumped leaps and bounds in my book. 2nd best show of the weekend for me.

Spiritualized – another “most improved” in my book. They had soulful back-up singers, and it was clear that their music is synchronized to “The Wiz.”

Spoon – I won’t go on and on about Spoon here. I’ve already done that. There was nothing different at Pitchfork. There were flying maracas, vocal reverb galore, and the tighest set you’ll ever see.

Pro Run Ep 1 (Updated)

Well, kiddos, I have some good news and some bad news:

The good news: Team "$10 Says He Eats It" was victorious at Mass Ave Trivia Night, thanks to our knowledge of songs about the moon and what scatophobics are afraid of.

The bad news: Trivia was rudely scheduled during the premiere of Pro Run (that's right, I've jumped on the abbrev. band wag.), and my videocassette recorder was on the fritz. I was able to catch the 2nd half of the show, so I've seen the designs, but know very little about the designers. I didn't get to see the character establishment sections, the race to materials (I'm assuming they once again started with a race of some type), and the first contestant to start talking smack (based on their pictures, I'm gonna guess ít was Jerell, the former model).

ANYWAY, I'll have to do this blog in a few pieces. First, I'll give my take on the designs themselves. Then, once I'm able to track down the episode online or in reruns (Though Bravo is on a big Shear Genius kick), I'll make my predictions for the season.

In the meantime, my boy Ross sent me a quick observation regarding Wesley:
"Watching Pro-Run tonight and couldn't help noticing that Wesley looks like he's in the Hitler Youth."


OK. I know that the first challenge was to use materials from a grocery store (this was actually the first challenge in Season 1 as well). But I didn't really see what materials they chose. I'm sure that won't stop me from bashing the designs:


Kenley – looks like you might be this year's Kit Pistol (which means I will fall in love with you because you're cute and your clothes are almost weird, but not completely weird)





Terri – When I was 9 years old, I bought a t-shirt in a Myrtle Beach gift shop that was pre-ripped and said "Shark Attack" in fake blood. Apparently, you found that same shirt in the grocery store. Also, I'm amazed they make fruit roll-ups the side of a skirt!





Suede – I guess you don't have to be able to dress yourself in order to dress a model





Emily – I never knew an Easter basket strangling someone could look so chic





Leanne - Did you let cottonball-wielding preschoolers make your dress? If so, they need to be held back.





Jennifer – Spill in Aisle 9. Quick! Have your model roll around on the floor!





Jerell – if the NBC peacock was a drag queen, it’d wear this





Keith – At next year's Indy 500, they'll drop the checkered model








Wesley – A Coldplay song, in fabric form!





Joe – Mismatched patterns: I can't get behind that (and neither can my bleeding retinas).





Korto – Hey, look! A Japanese dumpster diver!





Daniel – I think Joan Cusack wore that dress in TOYS





Blayne – for someone who obviously isn’t into vagina, you sure like to draw attention to it





Jerry – did your model steal plutonium from the Libyans?





Kelli – I'm biased because I don't drink coffee, but this is a prime example of a dress that the judges love and I hate. The lesson: Those judges know nothing about what they've dedicated their lives to. I know everything about something I've dedicated nothing to.





Stella - Hey, look! A Dominatrix dumpster diver!









My favorite three from this challenge: Kenley, Daniel, Keith

My predictions for the season will be added when I get a chance to see the whole episode...

Project Runway -Season 5 Preview

It's Project Runway Season 5 Eve, and thanks to Bravo getting the show stolen from them by Lifetime (I think there's a Lifetime movie based on the shady deal in the works...Valerie Bertinella will star), there hasn't been much fanfare. But today, they realized some basic info on this year's contestants. And since this will be the last season on Bravo, the king of reality career competition shows, and the move to Lifetime may endanger the quality of the show (I envision challenges that involve designing escape outfits for abused wives....something with floral print), I felt the need to go all-out this season.

Just last Season 4, I'll conduct thorough note-taking and research in order to bring you the least informed and accurate Project Runway coverage in the blogosphere.

A few of the guest judges have been named, and it lends some insight to what challenges may be in store. There are a bunch of names I don't know (probably actual fashion designers). And then there's a crop of semi-celebrities (they blew their wad on Sarah Jessica Parker last year). Here are my uneducated guesses:

Sandra Bernhard - Roseannewear
Brooke Shields - Lagoonwear
LL Cool J - rap video skankwear
RuPaul - Chris Marchwear

Here's a quick run-down of the contestants. The premiere is tomorrow night at 10pm (I think):


Name: Blayne
Age: 23
Hometown: Yakima, Washington
Current residence: Seattle, Washington
Fun fact: loves neon, designed line for Seattle Seahawk Shaun Alexander (would have dominated the Tiki Barber challenge last season)


Name: Daniel
Age: 25
Hometown: Great Barrington, Massachusetts
Current residence: Brooklyn, New York
Fun fact: loves novelty blazers (my kind of guy) and unevenly tucked shirts (not my kind of guy)


Name: Emily
Age: 27
Hometown: Sacramento, California
Current residence: Los Angeles, California
Fun fact: lots of professional experience and asymmetrical bangs


Name: Jennifer
Age: 27
Hometown: East Syracuse, New York
Current residence: Pistola, Italy
Fun fact: has climbed the ranks of European fashion, looks like a kindergarten teacher


Name: Jerell
Age: 28
Hometown: Houston, Texas
Current residence: Los Angeles, California
Fun fact: former model, apparently likes to dress like Lenny Kravitz/Oliver Twist


Name: Jerry
Age: 32
Hometown: Butte, Montana
Current residence: New York City
Fun fact: has own label, likes black and white combos


Name: Joe
Age: 41
Hometown: Troy, Michigan
Current residence: Troy, Michigan
Fun fact: likes to dress like Simon Cowell, once worked for Bugle Boy!


Name: Keith
Age: 26
Hometown: Salk Lake City, Utah
Current residence: Salt Lake City, Utah
Fun fact: self-taught, trained in advertising


Name: Kelli
Age: 27
Hometown: Columbus, Ohio
Current residence: Columbus, Ohio
Fun fact: designs guitars, keeps stonewashing alive


Name: Kenley
Age: 25
Hometown: Pompano Beach, Florida
Current residence: Brooklyn, New York
Fun fact: daughter of a tugboat captain(this fact alone might make her my favorite)!


Name: Korto
Age: 33
Hometown: Little Rock, Arkansas
Current residence: Mabelvale, Arkansas
Fun fact: originally from Liberia, name sounds like an ancient god of destruction


Name: Leanne
Age: 27
Hometown: Yuta, California
Current residence: Portland, Oregon
Fun fact: automatically loses points for calling her label "Leanimal" (although, Rob Schneider is interested in the screenplay)


Name: Stella
Age: 42
Hometown: Astoria, Queens
Current residence: New York City
Fun fact: oldest contestant, specializes in leather and denim


Name: Suede
Age: 37
Hometown: Seven Hills, Ohio
Current residence: Barryville, New York
Fun fact: claims to be influenced by Madonna, appearance proves he's influenced by Fred Durst


Name: Terri
Age: 39
Hometown: Chicago, Illinois
Current residence: Columbus, Ohio
Fun fact: works for Victoria's Secret


Name: Wesley
Age: 23
Hometown: Blackstone, Massachusetts
Current residence: New York City
Fun fact: Marc Jacobs protege






So there you have it. Be sure to check the site sometime Thursday afternoon for the episode 1 recap and my undoubtedly off-base predictions for the season.

Your New AFC

If the word coming out of Jacksonville is true, and the Jaguars are headed to a slightly larger TV market, then the AFC is going to need a bit of a shakeup.

I was never too sure how the Colts ended up in the AFC South while Cincinnnati and Baltimore fit into the AFC North. If we're going to have geographic divisions, why not follow geography? Sure, one might notice that the Dallas Cowboys are in the NFC East, despite being further west than thirteen NFC teams - including St. Louis who is in the NFC West - but the Cowboys have a bit of historical precedence of success and rivalries. The same cannot be said of the relative spring chickens we have in the AFC's Titans, Jaguars, and Texans.

This Jag jump to the left coast can mean only one thing: AFC realignment. While it's not a science, here's how the divisions could break down:

AFC East

• New England
• New York Jets
• Baltimore
• Buffalo

AFC South

• Houston
• Tennessee
• Miami
• Cincinnati

AFC MidWest (formerly North)

• Cleveland
• Pittsburgh
• Indianapolis
• Kansas City

AFC West

• Oakland
• San Diego
  
• Denver
• LA Jags

Sure we'd lose the biannual battle for Ohio, and the Patriots will stomp 6 - 0 through their division, and in the end it would just be change for change's sake. Who cares? It's the NFL. It'll still be awesome.

By the way, Plan B is swapping the Jags to the NFC West and putting St. Louis in the AFC South. Bring on that twice a season Peyton Manning & Marc Bulger gun-sling-off.