Giddy Up

For a few reasons, I have never quite understood people who love horse racing. Maybe my confusion comes from the fact that I don't particularly consider it an actual sport, but rather a stock exchange with horses. It's a given fact that horse racing would not exist if it weren't for gambling. Granted, gambling is involved in every sport, but it's inherent to the mere existence of horse racing. To consider something an actual sport, the competition itself should be able to go off without needing a betting window present. Not only that, I also don't trust any sport where the subject of the race/game/contest has no idea whether they have won or lost. Maybe this is also why I don't like Bode Miller.

Nevertheless, what troubles me the most are people who consider horses to be "athletes." I remember watching Smarty Jones make a run at the Triple Crown a few years and seeing throngs of people in Philadelphia taking pride that Smarty Jones was from Philly. Seriously, people were going nuts because a hometown horse was winning races! They even had THREE separate Smarty Jones days within a 5-week span in Philadelphia. I understand the desperate need to cling to any winner from the city, and Smarty Jones was a better shot at bringing glory before Donovan McNabb or Ryan Howard will probably ever be, but it's a horse! A horse, by the way, that has no idea where its hometown is. Still, the fans of Philly are nothing compared to the thousands upon thousands of people who sent Get Well cards (!) to a horse months ago. It's all pretty mind boggling when you think about it.

And yet, when the Breeder's Cup Juvenile race goes off a week from Saturday, I will find myself rooting for a horse. Not just any horse, but one with my all-time favorite name: UD Ghetto. He dominated the Kentucky Cup at a 17-1 underdog, and it's obvious from his trainer that the horse lives up to the spirit of his name.

"He's got a lot of talent (but is) a handful all the time," Reinstedler said. "You never know what he's going to do."

That statement can be copied verbatim to apply to any participant in a Ghetto 9-hole or Hairy Buff party.

So on November 4th, I will be rooting UD Ghetto, possibly with a Beast in hand just for old time's sake. I will be cheering with personal interest for a horse that couldn't care less about winning, and has no idea of the rich heritage that inspired his name. And God forbid, if that horse gets hurt, my get well card will be on the way.

UD Ghetto

UD Ghetto

Tuesday Vintage Commerical: VD is for Everybody

It's very true. VD doesnt care if you play the violin or cut meat. It doesn't care if you're a teacher or if you're knocked up with Rosemary's Baby. The bottom line is that it's for everybody, and you WILL get VD at some point. Just accept it and enjoy the waltzing backbeat.




But what to do if you get VD? Luckily the ad provides an answer at the end.

"If you need help, see a doctor."

Oh, ok. I guess that's an answer. Thanks ad council!

Updates from Elf-dom

Stalwart Elf-ites have dug up this image of an elf costume quite similar to THE Elf. While the Ross-Ade Stadium Elf is not as bedazzled as this one, you can get a better mental image.

Find The Elf, and I'll buy you and him a drink.
And we're talking boilermakers here. That's a shot and a beer.

Well this is awkward

---YANKEES NEW CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT FEATURES SANTA CLAUS FLYING YANKEES PLANE; MLB CALLS TIMING "UNFORTUNATE" FOLLOWING CORY LIDLE DEATH---From the New York Post:

Talk about bad timing.

A new Yankee Christmas ornament sanctioned by Major League Baseball and bearing the team's official logo features a beaming Santa waving - as he pilots a plane.

"My reaction at first was, 'I don't believe it,' " said Midtown lawyer Denis Guerin, who yesterday received glossy literature touting the "Yankees Victory Plane" - "a limited-edition annual holiday treasure" - in the mail.

Guerin shuddered as he recalled the horrific events that unfolded Oct. 11, when Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle was killed after crashing his small plane into an Upper East Side high-rise.

Guerin said he and his wife were "shocked and dismayed" again when they opened the mailing featuring the Yankee Santa in a plane. He said the plane appears to be "going into a Christmas tree."

According to the advertisement, "The 2006 Annual Yankees Ornament makes the ideal gift for every New York fan on your Christmas list."

"Your team spirit will soar" with the plane on your tree, it says.

"We looked at it with our mouths open and said, 'How could this have happened?' It's very insensitive," Guerin said.

"I don't think it was intentional," the season-ticket holder added. "It's just a terrible mistake and terrible coincidence."

MLB honchos agreed.

"All I would say is, the timing's unfortunate," said spokesman Rich Levin. "I'm sure this was done well before the Cory Lidle incident."

Yankees officials refused comment.

"I'm not going to comment on it at all because it has nothing to do with us, it didn't originate with us," a spokesman said.

Officials of Danbury Mint in Norwalk, Conn. - the company peddling the $19.95 "fine porcelain" ornament under a licensing agreement with MLB - did not immediately return calls seeking comment.

A woman answering the phone in its sales department said the ornaments "are developed over three or four years.

"This actually was developed probably over a year ago," she said.

Still, Guerin and an expert on collectibles questioned how the ornament could have even been allowed to be marketed since Lidle's death.

"It's just awful," said Pete Siegel, owner of Gotta Have It Collectibles in Midtown.

He said the experience should be a lesson to organizations such as the Yankees that use licensing agreements.

Siegel said he expects Yankee fans to balk at buying the ornament.

"It's almost sacrilegious about the incident," he said.

Guerin said he couldn't imagine anyone buying it, either.

"You're going to have a Yankee plane on your Christmas tree?" he said. "Who's sanctioning this stuff?"

Resurrect The Elf

The Purdue Boilermakers turned in a listless performance this past weekend, losing to Wisconsin 24 - 3. Most hopes of a New Year's Day bowl fizzled with the lackluster offensive output. Some point to a resigned Coach Joe Tiller, while other nay sayers think the young team just doesn't have the chops to stand up to top competition. Theories for the lull abound, but I think I've out-thought them all.

This is the eleventh straight season where I've been privy to on-field action in-person (minus one season in the land of the rising sun listening to 4:00am kickoffs via Japanese DSL) and there are two institutions noticeably missing. First, the band seems to be dead-set against playing "Fighting Varsity," the official un-official fight song most commonly known for impromptu lyrics devoted to good friends and accident victims everywhere. Yet the band still manages to pipe out "Fighting Varsity" from time to time, leaving only one possibility for the current gridiron trough the Boilers find themselves in: Where's The Elf?

We here at Bad Idea Blue Jeans have hired noted MS Paint sketch artist Scibbly McDrawsalot to come up with the above composite of The Elf. Fans in the student section, north end zone, and especially Section 120 have delighted in both The Elf's post-score celebrations as well as his third down rallying calls when the Boilers have their backs to the wall.

An all points bulletin has been issued and can be found at the Smoking Gun, but we have the nitty-gritty already. Concerned citizens and football fans everywhere should be on the lookout for an elf that meets the following description:

• Approximately 4' 6" tall, but well over 5' 9" with triangulated hat
• Commonly wears green
• Most likely earned a bachelor's in Organizational Leadership & Supervision, Marketing, or English Literature in the past 12 months
• Minored in Psychology (but who didn't?)
• Last seen in the 2005 season on the north fringes of the student section at Ross-Ade Stadium (tends to move rapidly and often, likely drawn to the cheers of appreciative fans)
• Most likely aggressively pointing with extended index fingers in an even, back and forth, lateral motion
• Presumed drunk

The current balance of Purdue football is askew, and sadly the future of college football may hang in the balance with The Elf. It is imperative that anyone with information concerning the whereabouts of The Elf, his handlers, costume, or former roommates post a reply to this item. Feel free to pass this information along to all concerned parties, but do not feel compelled to apprehend The Elf should you cross his path. He's quick and feisty and most likely could poke your eyes out with those fingers.

For the decency and spirit of the game, someone find The Elf. I'd love to buy him a drink.