Thursday, December 13, 2007

"I've made more mistakes at 3 in the morning..."



Did anyone else catch the recycling theme of last night’s ep (that’s what the cool kids call episodes…eps)? I felt like it was NBC's Green Week all over again.

• The recycling of old clothes into new ones
• The premise of recycling old clothes into new ones beign recycled from the 1st Challenge of season two
• The recycling of sassy comments from Christian (“Who knows? The judges may die over it…or they may die of it! Mwahahaha!”)
• The recycling of Chris March! (because Jack turned into a chipmunk…..too soon?)

Alright. Let’s head straight to the designs, again ranked form my first to my worst:

Kit – You edged out Kevin for what I thought was the best. Part of that is because you were able to create a dress that distracted by your model’s weird face (apparently hot pink trumps ugly). The other thing that gives you the win in my book is your reference to The Corpse Bride.

Christian – Dammit, you had to go and win. At this point, you’re probably safe until the final four. But honestly, you did what is crucial in any challenge dealing with ordinary people (instead of models…those crazy skinny aliens). You made something safe. Ordinary people don’t like the experimental. They don’t like the statement-makers. They like the GAP. And that’s what you did. Dammit.

Rami – Another quiet and strong performance. You just keep your head down and push forward. Thank you for not draping anything.

Kevin – I’m not so sure about the leggings, but your model seemed ecstatic with what you made here. As I was watching the show with my bros, we all decided you probably boffed her too. Actually, we’re going to go ahead and assume that is the case throughout the rest of the show. I mean, who can resist spiky facial hair outlines? Come on!

Sweet P – You are creeping up in the ranks. You didn’t do anything to hurt yourself, and that’s usually a good day’s work. But please, stop crying. That’s Ricky’s job.

Ricky – Your cry count stands at 6, and your baby doll designs stand at 2 (in 5 episodes). Actually, you sort of lucked out that this challenge was for normal people, because it’s clear when you’re asked to design something new, you freak out. My only hope is that next week they ask everyone make dresses out of mesh hats, and you refuse. In the meantime, I suspend my habitual picking of you to go home. Don’t cry. **Addendum** I somehow (and unforgivably) forget to mention Ricky's belly-button showing, stiletto-wearing, denim capri-strutting ass, as he was trying to find the right fit for his client. Apparently Ricky is a middle-aged woman who dropped 100 pounds just waiting to bust out! What we didn't see was the inevitable smackdown of Ricky from Christian for stealing the uberfeminine gay 20-something spotlight. Talk about god awful hideous!

Victorya – You made that woman wear a velvet dress more typically seen at midnight mass on Christmas Eve on a sleeping 6-year-old girl. And of all the designers, you did the least to change the original clothing. You shortened it. Neato. You’ve dropped way down in my book.

Chris – Did they track you down at the airport? Had you even left yet? And why, in God’s name, did you come back and make a sailor suit. Seriously, all of your outfits look like they were worn by Motherboy contestants (see picture below).



Elisa – The judges summed it up well. You forgot about the client. And the more challenges that require you to work for a specific person, the worse you’ll be. Hopefully the remaining challenges ask you to design for your inner hummingbird moon spirit or something.

Steven – I won’t even dignify that outfit with a critique. Your slow-talking, eye-squinting, seam-gluing ass should be ashamed of yourself. Now, I will say that this is the 2nd week in a row that I feel a one contestant was given specifics that made it impossible for them to win (Chris’ shoulder pads last week being the other). How do you turn a wedding dress into everyday attire? And Michael Kors, you shut your mouth about the great fabric. That beading was hideous and you know it. It wasn’t MOB. It was B! And you can’t wear B everyday.

Jillian – What? You think it’s a mistake that you’re at the bottom of my list? What’s that? The judges had you in the top three? Well, my saucy little contestant, I say nuts to that! The challenge was to make something out of a previously-existing outfit. You make a brand new outfit. You didn’t complete the challenge. And when the judges put you in the top 5, that only proved one of the problems with this show: the Tim Gunn challenge parameters do not dictate the Heidi/Nina/Michael/random designer judging. It’s all separate. But still, you can’t just ignore the challenge. I mean think about it. What if this Sunday, the Dolphins say “Ok, we know we only get 4 downs to gain 10 yards, but these yards are just too tough to gain. So we’re just gonna take 6 downs. Sweet, thanks.” Jillian, my bros may be crushing on you, but I am not.

Random observations:

• In my head, Heidi Klum is starting to sound a lot like Elmer Fudd. Or maybe my impression of Heidi Klum is starting to sound a lot like Elmer Fudd.

• I am vehemently opposed to Tim Gunn adopting any catchphrase employed by Christian.

• Tim’s comment that he’s made more mistakes at 3 in the morning than he can count….truly disturbing (though, actually, I’m glad he has a social life)


My current top three: Kevin, Rami, Kit

The next to go: Elisa (just a hunch)

1 comment:

colgate the smile saver said...

I'm no Doogie Howser so i could not offer any relevent advise to Daniel and his untimely "lip sore", however i'm willing to bet that this link may help things out in the short term.

http://www.colgate.com/app/Colgate/US/OC/Information/InteractiveGuides/FreshBreathTool/FBA.cvsp

(by the way my hypothesis is that daniel would pick nick as his clinician)