"None of us really know who he is"

That clip will be explained later.

This week’s episode made me question the talent of not only every designer on this season, but every previous season (and really, fashion designers in general). As a clueless critic of the field, I at least viewed fashion designers as a unique combination of high creativity and excellent skill. They could envision a dramatic piece of clothing, but also make it. Some can think but not make [see Sweet P’s critique below], and some can make but not think [see Jack’s critique]. Most people can do neither.

So when Project Runway decided to do their 1st all-male clothing competition, and all of the contestants lost their shit, I started to question the skill necessary to make women’s clothing. If men’s clothing is so difficult, then is women’s clothing that easy. Probably not. Again, I’m a clueless critic of this field. But ignorance is bliss when it comes to Bravo reality television.

Oh, the other odd aspect of last night’s show was Tiki Barber. It was great to see the sheer disappointment and confusion on the contestants face when they saw the guest judge. Tim Gunn wanted to throw them a curveball, and apparently the reciprocal of an iconic well-known ugly white woman is an average unknown (at least in the eyes of 7 women and 6 gay guys) handsome (at least in the eyes of 7 women and 6 gay guys) black man.

Ok. The rundown (from my worst to my first):

Carmen – You didn’t make a shirt. And you tried to hide that fact by following the Rami “Drape Any Damn Thing” method. It’s sad to see you go, because you seem to be the only person that had potential to be the overly and unjustified confident designer that became hated by all. Oh well. And as robotic as Tiki Barber’s wife was, it was awesome when she pointed out you were making a Members Only jacket. Oh, and your hair was ridiculous, so I’m fine with you leaving.

Ricky – I was close. You were almost gone. I still think that you pinning sheets of cloth into a shape that vaguely resembles a suit is even worse that Carmen not making a shirt, but what do I know. I’m no Niiiiina Garciiiiiiia.

Sweet P – You are a perfect example of how this show values creativity over function. Your outfit looked like that episode of The Cosby Show when Denise made for Theo when he couldn’t afford a designer shirt (seen in the clip that started this blog…skip to the 1:00 mark to see the shirt). And yet, you’re still here. But seriously, you can’t make a shirt? You’ve never made a shirt? For shame!

Elisa – Hey look! You made Robin Hood a new outfit. And all without seeing your model’s thighs. But hey, I love that you’ve decided that your boyfriend is “the only male I choose to touch.” But what happens when Tim Gunn tells you to clean up your space in a few weeks and goes for the double-cheek kiss? Maybe you’ll spit on him.

Jillian – I think Dirk Diggler wears that suit in the final scene of Boogie Nights.

Chris – You would have dominated the stylish valet uniform contest. If that’s what this was. But it wasn’t. Boo. Hiss.

Rami – Yawn. That’s what I wear to work everyday. And let me tell you, it does not impress (at least, it doesn’t impress a bunch of 16-year-olds).

Steven – If you keep this up, you’ll become the most boring designer in show history. Michael Kors will probably hire you.

Victorya – As much as I love oversized white blazers, I can’t get behind your design. But at least you finished it. That’s more than most can say.

Jack – You won for a very simple reason. This was the only outfit Tiki Barber could wear in the real world. Everyone else swung for the fences and whiffed or created something for the world of runway. You made something Tiki Barker could wear on television. Congrats on having the least creative or demanding win in show history.

Kevin – Even though you were the only contestant not genetically oriented to salivate over the male models, you were distracted just enough to forget the fact that Tiki has to wear this on television. No goon is going to go on the Today Show with an untucked shirt. Keep your eye on the ball, man.

Christian – Apparently you’re a sewing machine (figurative, not literal…this isn’t Beauty and the Beast), and so you freaked out the least and make the most. But like most of the other contestants you forgot that this was for Tiki Barber. And he was going to wear it on television. But, it was made well, so despite my wishes, you move up in the power rankings. But I still hate you. You’re a 15-year-old girl who thinks she’s the shit.

Kit – Kit, my dear, you used the word “rad” ironically and sarcastically, so you’ve captured my heart. You fix those hideous bangs, and I’m yours. And even though I thought your outfit looked like something a middle-aged father who just bought his first boat would wear on his maiden voyage, I was rooting for you. You at least kept the purpose of the outfit in mind, unlike most other contestants.

My current top Three: Kevin, Victorya, and Kit

The next to go: Ricky (please, take him (and me) out of his (and my) misery)