BIBJ Playlist of the 2000s entry #71: Irreplaceable by Beyonce

Pop music is, of course, littered with abhorrent trends.  But none irritate me more than the "art" of the vocal run, wherein a singer shows off his or her "talent" by attempting to hit somewhere between 3 and 87 notes within a single syllable.  I don't understand how anyone can possibly enjoy listening to such horrors.  Everyone knows that Christina Aguilera can sing.  Does that mean we have to just sit back and take the abuse while she goes on her perpetual quest for the damn brown note?

The quest for vocal histrionics has become a bizarre American Idol-like litmus test.  Who gives a rat's ass if you can sing.  Can you sing in 4 different octaves and annoy the shit out of anyone within ear shot?  Yes?  Then welcome to the music biz kid!***  No?  Then take your played-out act back to that karaoke hell from whence you came, MC Borophyll.  And don't even think about ever singing the National Anthem before a World Series game.

Vacant patriotism no longer just for country singers!

Attention America,

Beyonce must be stopped. The sooner, the better.





There are obviously hundreds of points to be made here, but I'll limit it to three for the sake of sanity.

1. I have an uneasy feeling that this will be sung in Washington D.C. on January 20, but I hope I'm wrong. Think of your cooler musician friends, Obama! Exhibit A:

2. I was wondering how she would handle the "children and my wife" reference at the beginning. I expected a lame cop out, and my expectations were met. Jack White maintains his stranglehold on faithful covers with no fear of gender bending.

3. I've said several times over that David Cross has the best interpretation of the original recording. Memorize the rant below, repeat it word for word to your colleagues, and watch your small talk change permanently!