An open letter to the management of the Music Mill

Dear new management of the Music Mill,

I'm pleased to hear that you're reopening the Music Mill. While I no longer live in Indianapolis, I still feel an attachment to music venues and the overall art culture in the city. To this day, I always feel a twinge of sadness when walking past the rotating name adorning the rotting corpse of the Patio, and when the Music Mill announced its closing in January, I was disappointed. While the venue's location is less than ideal, it was one of the best-sounding rooms in the city, and the fact that it was a non-smoking venue was an added bonus.

I'm sure that in deciding to reopen the venue, there has been no shortage of conversations centered on what can be done to help the Music Mill be more financially viable than it was when it originally shut it's doors. There are several factors to debate. Should there be an age restriction on concert admissions? 21 and over or 18 and over? Should the scheduling cater more toward national or local acts? Should we focus more on private parties and band events?

The answers to these questions don't matter nearly as much as following one credo.

Schedule new artists. Stop booking the same goddamn bands over and over.

Seriously. It's the worst. So many times when I'm coming back ton Indy to visit, I check and see if anyone remotely worthwhile might be playing. And do you know who I find rolling through time and time again? Guster. The Samples. The Reverend Horton Heat. Rusted Root. Cowboy Mouth. Cowboy Junkies. Other bands with "Cowboy" in their name. Enough! It's all I can do to not open fire upon hearing the name "BoDeans!" And it has to end! In my final three years living in Indianapolis, I had reason to go to the Music Mill exactly twice - once for The Hold Steady and once for Hairbanger's Ball. This is a problem.

Understand, this is not an argument against shitty music. That discussion can occur at another place and time. This is about the same shitty music showing up time and time again. That is not a sustainable business model, and I for one would like to see this business succeed. The Music Mill as a venue is unique enough that it can create a comfortable niche in the city. There are plenty of talented people in Indianapolis who routinely book different high-level shows at smaller venues (coughRADIORADIOcough). Expand on this method and please, no more Edwin McCain. Honestly, that fucking guy...

An Open Letter to Immigration Parade goers

Dear Immigration Parade goers (or is it paradegoers? Or parade-goers?):

Hi. It's me. The guy who lives across the street from St. Mary's Church, or as it was known today, ground zero of the Indy immigration reform rally. I've got a bone to pick with you.

Now I'm not here to advance a political agenda one way or another. As someone who has been unemployed for over a month, I'm sympathetic to the needs of anyone seeking an easier way to work legally. (I assume that's what the parade is all about - I'm not a big news reader, and I never been one much for book learnin'.) I didn't mind Vermont Street being shut down for most of the day. I didn't mind the hundreds of people who filtered around my apartment building starting at 2pm today. Granted, the huge speakers that were set up right on the street, blaring a mixture of mariachi tunes and Whitney Houston's rendition of the national anthem, were a little bothersome. But hey, it's one day a year, so I can suck it up and bite my tongue. But there is one thing that bothers me to no end, and should result in immediate deportation for whoever was in charge.

I had to listen to Lee fucking Greenwood's "God Bless the U.S.A."

Not once, mind you. Oh no. I had to listen to it three times in a 30-minute span.

THREE GODFORSAKEN TIMES! LEE GREENWOOD!

For the love of all that's good in the world, people, give a brother a break. I know that if you're not originally from America, it might be hard to appreciate just the true scale of opportunistic hypocrisy embedded within the lyrics of that get rich quick scam song, but I believe philosopher David Cross put it best when he noted, “It’s got that great line, ‘And I’d surely stand up next to you, and defend her still today.’ Really? Well, here’s your second chance, asshole, pick up a gun and hop to it.”

In closing, please keep your patriotic anthems limited to any versions of the Star-Spangled Banner, "America" by Neil Diamond, and anything from the catalogue of C.S. Lewis Jr: