Friday, November 23, 2007

"It's kinda like a spit mark, only better."

I must preface my thoughts on episode two with an apology to my roommate.

I am sorry that I told you Bon Jovi was the guest host. That was false. Turns out the host was that chick from Square Pegs. You know, the one who married the murderer.

You see, I am not the type of person who avoids spoilers. In fact, I usually hunt them down. Tell me Bruce Willis is a ghost the whole time. Tell me that JD and Elliott will end up together. Tell me that Heidi totally takes Spencer back. And totally spread that rumor about LC. And totally doesn't even have a job. It won’t ruin my viewing experience. However, my roommate hates spoilers. So I usually taunt her with the inside info I’ve attained, courtesy of my blogged sources. Well, thanks to idolator, I spent the hour leading up to tonight’s episode bitching about how Project Runway would be carting out Bon Jovi as their “biggest guest judge ever.” Bitching about how if it were a reality show about shitty rock stars adequately running an arena league football team, he’d be more than qualified to judge. And then, Sarah Jessica Parker walked out.

And even though I have my problems with Sarah Jessica Parker (I find her to be the ugliest woman on the planet, and yet most girls I know have tremendous girl crushes on her. I suspect a large conspiracy, aimed at brainwashing everyone to think that Rusty from Footloose is the definition of beautiful. And if that’s true, then by comparison, most other women would be MORE beautiful than one of the biggest stars in the world), I was glad to not spend the evening watching the contestants create dock-work outfits for Johnny.

But I parenthetically digress.

Here’s my breakdown of the 7 pairs from ep2, from worst to first:

Marion and Steven - Alright. So I went out on a limb last week and said you, Marion would get to the final three. I should have known that if you can’t make eye contact with the camera (or people), you aren’t long for the reality tv world. And Steven, you're bugging me because you talk like a 30-year-old gay and not creepy version of Vincent Price (or was Vincent Price already gay?). But apparently your plan to was to take Sweet P’s potato sack from last week, run it through a french fry cutter, and cut some arm holes. Farewell, sweet Marion.

Christian and Carmen – I’m glad to see Flock of Seagulls reunite. And Carmen, I’m glad you did the recess-kickball-team-picking “yes” clench when you got picked second to last (but not last, that would have been embarrassing). Christian, you're apparently a fan of making ugly jackets. And Michael Kors stole all my 80’s pop culture references (“Addicted to Love” and “The Facts of Life”) related to this outfit.

Elisa and Sweet P- I’m sorry, a cape? I’m sorry, spit marking? I’m sorry, polymorphic? I’m sorry, the same bright blue color that Elisa used last week? But I will say that, Sweet P, I thought you would be the crazy old cat lady of this season. But next to Spit Mark McGee, you're the voice of reason.

Kit and Chris – Kit, if you play your cards right, you could become a new favorite of mine, or at the very least, my new crush. But picking the costumer as your partner meant an outfit that was literally a costume. Pepe Le Pu’s girlfriend walking down the runway. Get that beret out of here. And, I will never, NEVER think that black and brown combo is a good idea.

Rami and Jillian- Eh. That’s what I say to you two. Eh.

Victorya and Kevin – What the hell is going on with these poncho dresses? Rami and Jillian had one. Elisa and Sweet P had one. And you two put a vest on top of yours (which apparently had some awesome back to it. **edit**I've just been told, it's called a racer back. I was also just told I lost a dollar). But I will say this: You two are showing the simplicity, execution, and host-pleasing qualities that scream final three.

Ricky and Jack- Have I mentioned that I know very little about clothing, fashion, and women's taste in either. Ricky, I picked you to go home, and you designed my favorite dress of the night. It was nothing fancy by any means. In fact, it was probably the most boring. But at least I knew what it was. Now, don't get too excited, Ricky. You're not completely off the hook. The Ricky cry count stands at 3, and the Ricky dumb hat count stands at 4.

My current top three: Victorya, Kevin, Rami

The next to go: Ricky (based on the teaser for next week, and the fact that he’s probably running out of hats)

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