I vividly remember studying for finals in May 1998 piled into one of those ridiculously comfortable $10 garage sale chairs that doubled for high-class livin' when the sun began to peak through the curtains and Good Morning America began its daily broadcast.
As I muddled through my notes for Psych 444 it became evident that this broadcast was to be Charlie Gibson's last on GMA. In no time I wielded my calling card/call-back service/10-10-220 or whatever we used for long distance calls before cell phones and had my mom on the other end of the line. Be it his Midwestern charm, all-around decent looks, or clever banter with Joan Lunden, something made Charlie Gibson a fetching and innocent beau for my mom. No doubt, the news of Charlie's departure would throw her world - or at least her morning routine - into a tizzy.
Flash forward to tonight and I'm watching President Gerald Ford's casket being placed in the rotunda of the Capitol building on ABC and good ole' Gibson - now a respectable Charles nee Charlie - is anchoring the coverage. He lilts out some word with midwestern pronunciation and it gets me wondering where Charlie set his roots. I do a quick flash to Wikipedia and discover he's from Evanston, Illinois. Well, there you go - that's a Midwest/Indiana phrase similar to the British "Bob's yur uncle." I'm sure Charlie says it all of the time.
Rolling down to the Trivia section of the Gibson entry brought about a hilarious/tragic revelation. Wikipedia editors want all of us to know that Charlie Gibson is "not related to Mel Gibson."
Is it more likely that Mel Gibson's anti-semitism has caused unsettling confusion around the ABC water cooler or that Wikipedia editors are on a crusade to preserve the reputation of heartthrobs for 60-year-old women everywhere?
Wikipedia, once again proving 100% of people are right some of the time.
After meeting the Hanson brothers in the immortal hockey chronicle Slap Shot, Reggie Dunlop is aghast that, "They brought their f*ckin' toys with 'em!"
Perhaps Tony Dungy should feel the same way.
Meer days after one of the most pitiful defeats in Colts history - a 27-24 undressing by the previously uber-defeatable Houston Texans - the Colts are in the Indianapolis Stargushing about their favorite Christmas gifts ever.
Of course, the calendar being what it is there aren't too many windows to fit into the local coverage how much safety Marlin Jackson loved the sh*t out of his Nintendo Game Boy. Yet, if I were the Colts and I had just given Ron Dayne his greatest Christmas present - a career best 153 rushing yards - I don't think I'd let it go to print that Dwight Freeney, Raheem Brock and Gary Brackett can't get enough of Voltron especially when they didn't sack David Carr once!
What's more depressing is that these gift stories illuminated heretofore unknown greatness...and the Colts organization ignored them. No one could stop three-year-old Dominic Rhodes or his Smurf big wheel which leaves me incredulous to why he would only carry twice for 15 yards and leave rookie Joseph Addai - who has no documented Big Wheel experience - to get the bulk of the workload...and almost a yard less per rush. (For the record 100 yards on 15 carries is officially studly. Nice work Joe.)
In all fairness, these interviews were most likely done well in advance of the Texans debacle so reporter Phillip B. Wilson might take a day off just like the Colts defense tends to do post week 10. Who am I to cast stones? Do all of the Blue Nation a favor though Colts. Beat Miami. And if you can't do it for your fans and yourselves, well...
Because I'm nothing if not a completist, I must encourage anyone who did not watch the culmination of the Stephen Colbert vs Decemberists feud to watch as soon as possible. The "Rock & Awe" challenge took up the entire episode, and featured an amazing cavalcade of guest stars including Morley Safer, Robert Schneider (of Apples in Stereo), Anthony DeCurtis of Rolling Stone, New York governor-elect Eliot Spitzer, Peter Frampton (and his vocoder), Rick Neilsen, and Henry Kissinger!
While the actual results of the shred-off will be debated for years to come, Henry Kissinger put it best when weighing in with his vote: The American people won.
We knew this was only a matter of time since most Europeans can't wait for the Rapture to settle the girding hostilities between good and evil. At the same time, the Vatican eleven can legitimately compete with the ever-present
fascist clubs, kick their ass and then absolve them of their sins.
Can't you just see their uniform kits now? Black shorts and shirts with a splash of white for the Roman collar. The keeper could don a blazing cardinal set complete with zuchetto (that's the pope beanie for you uninitiated). FIFA may need to adopt a new rule for players with rosaries dangling from their hips. Offsides is already a venial sin. And all missed headers will be officially notated as JTB's in deference to John the Baptist losing his header to Herod's daughter, Salome.
The possibilities are endless. Much like their nicknames: Papists, Fish-eaters, Re-Lent-less. I can already see them lining up for an infamous Sr. Alma Marie "Go Stand in the Corner" kick.
2006 provided some of the best and worst in music. Without further ado, here is my haphazard look back.
A Random List of the most bothersome musical aspects of 2006:
Jay-Z's apathetic comeback album, that only served to sully his legacy. He really is the Michael Jordan of rap!
Any journalist who at any point referred to the Dixie Chicks as "courageous."
James Blunt
Good bands that keep gettingtheirstuffstolen! Meanwhile, Hinder and Evanescence continue on with their gear unscathed. Where is the justice?
Me sitting in LA traffic, scanning through stations, and hearing a DJ say the words "I think that's the best song Nickelback has ever written."
1 chorus, 4 words: "This is our country."
The continued obliteration of the Black Eyed Peas former greatness, brought on by their abysmal frontwoman.
Songs from Grey's Anatomy.
Brandon Flowers' mustache.
But why reflect only on the negative when there were many positive stories as well.Many artists put out great albums, with a few of my favorites including The Twilight Singers, Silversun Pickups, Regina Spektor, Jenny Lewis, Band of Horses, Girl Talk, Bob Dylan, and many others. And a few arbitrary categories... Most Relieving Major Label Debut of the Year: "The Crane Wife" by the Decemberists
It had all the makings of a disaster - a heralded indie band jumping up to Capitol Records. A bigger studio and a bigger budget for Colin Meloy, who has constantly teetered the line of turning epic parables into self-indulgent sprawling messes. But to my surprise, Meloy did not take the overtly grandiose route. If anything, he scaled things back a bit, focusing on the songwriting and making the most consistent album the band has put out. And they still had time to take on Stephen Colbert.
In a year where Jay-Z's comeback album was eagerly anticipated (only to result in a huge letdown), it was Jay's signee Lupe Fiasco who created not only the best hip-hop album of the year, but also the best ever rap song about the trials and tribulations of skateboarders.
In a year when dozens of truly great videos were made, many utilizing state-of-the-art technology, shoestring budget camera tricks, and overall ingenuity, who would guess that the most lasting impression would a static one-take shot made by four guys on treadmills.
Best Video of the Year (that very few have seen):
The band (which has 29 members) is called I'm From Barcelona. The song is called "We're From Barcelona" and it will embed itself in your skull. The video is nearly as low-budget at OK Go's, and it features odd-looking Swedes with mustaches. Could you ask for more? I contend that you could not. I predict that this album (due out in March) will be one of the best of 2007 - put it in the paper.
Best Single of the Year: "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley
You've heard it dozens upon dozens of times by now, but don't let the saturation effect the essence of the song. Everyone who heard it for the first time was immediately intrigued, and that's something that just doesn't happen much in music any more. An unparalleled blend of neo-soul, funk, and pop music, every second of the 2:58 running time is perfect. And Cee-Lo's pipes are in killer form. This unique alternate version from Top of the Pops is epic as well.
Best Album of the Year: "Boys and Girls in America" by The Hold Steady
Much ado was made of The Killers aping Bruce Springsteen on their 2006 release, but The Hold Steady truly channeled the spirit of the E-Street Band here, while adding in some old-fashioned Midwestern sneer just for good measure. This album and band are clearly divisive in terms of critical acclaim, and they're not for everyone. Craig Finn's nasally rants are either embraced or reviled, but he actually took a shot at singing on a few songs, and his presence puts this album over the top. The track "Chillout Tent" will take its rightful place as the 21st century indie-rock "Summer Lovin'," and it features guest vocals from Dave Pirner to boot! God bless us all.
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