Shon Morris. He'll go toe-to-toe with anybody when it comes to 1980's trivia. But don't even begin to think you can screw him.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Shon Morris. He'll go toe-to-toe with anybody when it comes to 1980's trivia. But don't even begin to think you can screw him.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
I've been thinking about the class since stumbling upon an online list of the top 10 monologues in movie history, because part of my acting class required us to perform 3 ourselves. For class, I chose these two classic Kevin Smith gems:
Brodie's Plane Story and Everyone's favorite declaration of love between a straight guy and a lesbian
The monologue is quite the art form. Grabbing and holding onto the attention of an audience by yourself is no easy task (noted by the fact that after watching those first two clips, you probably stopped reading this article).
And so, I give you my Top Five Greatest Monologues in movie history (that I could find on youtube):
"The Brawlroom Dance"
Monday, February 26, 2007
Many different google searches lead people to this blog. Recent examples have included:
- "foxy secretary"
- "how to get vd"
- What happens if i don't pay my
ct vehicle tax (this one is ironic, as I've wondered the same thing quite frequently, yet never written anything about it. Creepy...) bristol
Alas, the time has come to give the masses what they want, with a bonus screenshot of Kyle Machlachlan popping up at the end in one of those classic SNL bumpers. Enjoy.
BAD IDEA JEANS COMMERCIAL FROM SNL
Saturday, February 24, 2007
However, Wayne doesn't seem to know the rules that well.
With time waning in Purdue's victory over Northwestern, Purdue's Tarrance Crump was fouled in the backcourt. Crump went to the line to shoot the double bonus free throws. He missed his first, and the cameras cut away to a heated discussion between a referee and Purdue coach Matt Painter. Crump then shot his second shot, and then a third. Crump was in no way shooting yet somehow shot three free throws (he only hit one).
Ever the one to inform, Larrivee attacks this enigma like any good announcer...he starts making up rules. Larrivee cited a rule that players fouled in the backcourt in the final moments of the game will automatically be awarded three free throws in an effort to deter excessive fouling by the trailing team.
Moments later another Purdue player is fouled on a defensive rebound (also in the backcourt) and awarded two free throws. Larrivee clears this up by saying that was a rebounding foul and not an intentional foul to stop the clock.
At this point my mind is quite unsure of a few things.
- I've never heard of this automatic 3 shot rule
- If a foul is indeed intentionally committed to stop the clock, wouldn't the intentional foul rule apply?
- Why is the color commentator noticably silent?
Turns out that conversation between Coach Matt Painter and the referee was about a rule actually on the books that states defensive players must fill both of the lowest positions on the lane during a free throw. This didn't happen during Crump's first attempt, hence the violation and the extra free throw.
Stay tuned for Purdue's next contest against Minnesota when the Boilers will hope to pull off a victory by shutting down the Gophers' corner kicks and hopefully getting more production from the triple word score spot.
Purdue shit the bed against Iowa on Wednesday night turning in one of the sorriest efforts of a game compoundedly sorrier by the fact that their NCAA tournament hopes were resting in the balance. To go into Iowa City and lay an egg with poor defense, ridiculous turnovers, and effortless play will not do much to calm the fears of the faithful.
No one - I mean no one - will be delighted with hosting a first round NIT game.
Here they sit. The Boilers square off with Northwestern today in Evanston. This game has all of the hallmarks of the desperation game you love to hate. Not only does Purdue need to win, games such as these always tend to be the ones that teams never win. It's late in the season, the opponent is 2-11 in the conference and fighting to get above .500. They play a zone defense that most other conference teams eschewed eons ago, and their mind-numbing Princeton style offense will certainly give one fits and possibly hold the score to 22-19. (Take the under.)
All is not lost though, and hope still fizzles in the offing. Most projections still put the Boilers in the Dance despite the Hawkeye beat-down. Lucky enough, Purdue wasn't the only tournament caliber team to suck it up this week. Yet, that only solidifies their spot in the cesspool of mediocrity that this bubble is turning out to be.
Purdue should win this game but not by much; Vegas says 4.5. If they were to lose, some will predict implosion culminating in a Thursday loss in the 8-9 Big Ten Tournament game. Yet if they win, they'll pretty much be right where they are this morning. Safely on the bubble. Backs to the wall. Desperately wanting one more game.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Over the last couple years, a trend has developed which I have been wary of supporting. It's the practice by television shows of turning portions of their episodes (usually the final scenes each week) into music videos for bands looking to strike it big via TV soundtracks. When used correctly, it can turn out excellent. More often than not though, the practice inspires laziness among writers and strips away creativity when you can just order up another "montage of slow-dissolves featuring characters looking pensive while a Coldplay or Joseph Arthur song plays" sequence for three minutes. "The OC," which seemed to kick this practice into high gear, airs its final episode tonight. Presumably the finale will not contain a Death Cab for Cutie reference, but who can be sure?
Several months ago, one of my East Coast associates (who used to write for this blog before deciding he was too big to be a team player) showed me a DVD of NBC pilots. One of the pilots I watched was "The Black Donnellys," written and directed by Paul Haggis, the man behind "Crash" (a movie I absolutely hated, but clearly it got him some clout.) The pilot itself is quite good, providing all the exposition and subplot necessary to set up a series, and it's directed and shot better than any other show on network TV. The climax of the pilot has rattled in my head ever since - not so much for the content, but the manner in which the on-air vision worked perfectly with the song playing in the background, "Rebellion (Lies)" by The Arcade Fire. It's one of the best songs on one of the best albums I've heard in the past 10 years, and the way it worked within the scene was just magic. Again, usually I despise this practice, but this was the exception. It just worked here. From the time I watched the pilot, I had been anxiously awaiting the day that NBC finally pulled the debacle that was "Studio 60" in favor of "The Black Donnellys."
And now that day is upon is (or at least will be on Monday night) and yet my excitement has been severely tempered. The show is available to watch online, but when I checked out the final scene, the propulsive strings and driving percussion of "Rebellion (Lies)" was nowhere to be found.
The Arcade Fire had been replaced by Snow Patrol. Unbelievable. Is there any show on TV that hasn't used a Snow Patrol song? When the nuclear holocaust hits and the only things that survive are cockroaches, I have a sneaking suspicion those cockroaches will be singing "Chasing Cars." Apparently The Arcade Fire wouldn't clear the song, which is understandable based on the content of the scene, but it makes what was a truly epic sequence look much more ordinary by comparison.
I would still recommend "The Black Donnellys" as a show that (based on the pilot) has a lot going for it: The Irish mob in NYC, tremendous use of shadows and lighting, and "Smalls" from "The Sandlot" in a starring role, but its moment of magic has been left on the cutting room floor. Hopefully there will be another down the road.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
So reads the opening line of one of the 20th century's greatest novels, Going After Cacciato by Tim O'Brien. In recent years the Purdue Boilermakers and their faith-filled fans would have given O'Brien a solid thumbs up. Luckily, things have taken a turn for the better and with it a turn toward the tournament.
The Purdue Boilermakers have played themselves into the upper echelon of the storied NCAA tournament bubble. Currently 17-9 and 6-6 in the Big Ten, the Boilers have eked into more than one bracket projection and are seemingly controlling their 10-seed destiny.
Joe Lunardi at ESPN.com has them at an 11.
Jerry Palm at collegerpi.com says 10.
David Mihm at bracketography.com says 10 as well.
God be praised, the Boilers are back in the dance. But are they ready to punch their card for more than a mere appearance? Can they get down to business and give fans more hope than a trip to the Champs Sports Bowl ever could?
Purdue hasn't been to the tournament since the 2002-2003 season when the 9th seeded Boilers dismantled LSU 80-56 only to go on and lose in a dog fight with 1 seed Texas and player of the year T.J. Ford. They've not seen post-season play since the following season when they limped into the NIT and lost at Notre Dame in an ill-fated realization of years of attempts to get the Irish permanently onto the schedule.
Since then fans have endured a 7-21 farewell to Gene Keady and a 9-19 debut for Matt Painter. Yet, last season saw the happiest fans ever supporting a pitiful team. Injuries robbed the team of its top scorers, a hit-and-run took away a dizzying prospect, and bad luck intervened to remove all hopes of success, but the fans saw glimmers of hope. Chickens have roosted and the Boilers are champing at the bit to enter the realm of 65.
However, in this world of short memories, fans are going to be looking for Sweet 16 success or otherwise crying foul. It wasn't that long ago that I was a senior and the Cardinal-led Boilers were knocking on the door of the Final Four only to be unseated for the fourth f*cking time by Wisconsin. Inevitably, some fans will hold a George Mason-esque run to Atlanta up against their season ticket order. I'm not saying 'Be happy with an invitation' but you can't expect this team to be merely voted a champion by the Helms Athletic Foundation.
Should my beloved Boilermakers make the tourney I pray they'll play a late game on Thurs/Fri so the faithful can tune in with authority. Hopefully we'll have a reason to cheer beyond the first weekend, but until then, let's beat Iowa.
The Colts are still revelling in their new found status as the Super Bowl champs. Some players have celebrated in the usual ways: appearing on Letterman or getting a good old-fashioned DWI, but for Dallas Clark (President of the "football players who smile way too much during play" club) the off season means he can let loose with his favorite pastime: harassing referees at a girls high-school basketball game.
Clark, an Iowa native and former Hawkeyes' football player, was asked to leave the gymnasium late in the third quarter of the district final game between Twin River Valley of Bode, where Clark attended high school, and Southeast Webster-Grand of Burnside in Burnside, two school officials said Monday.I think I speak for most people when I say that I applaud Dallas Clark. High-school girls basketball referees have run things in Iowa for far too long and it's about time that they got their comeuppance. Clark has yet to comment, and there's no truth that he's been offered an assistant coach position with the Indiana Fever.
"I have seen other parents behave a lot worse, but he apparently got into one of the officials' ear," said Kirk Gilson, the athletic director at Southeast Webster-Grand. "I really don't know what led up to it, but apparently one of the referees didn't like what he heard from him."
Monday, February 19, 2007
- Rob & Amber - Race role: media darling, super team. Celebrity counterpart: BrAngelina.
- Danny & Oswald - Race role: metrosexual gay comedians. Celebrity counterpart: Robin Williams and Nathan Lane from The Birdcage.
- Teri & Ian - Race role: ugly American and docile wife. Celebrity counterpart: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
- Eric & Danielle - Race role: supposedly in love destined for drug relapse. Celebrity counterpart: Kate Moss & horsehead Pete Doherty.
- Joe & Bill - Race role: non-threatening older, gay men. Celebrity counterpart: Josh Brolin & Paul Harmon in Flirting with Disaster (see this movie, now!)
- Dustin & Kandice - Race role: buxom beauty queens. Celebrity counterpart: Victoria's Secret catalog.
- Uchenna & Joyce - Race role: requisite black couple, former champs. Celebrity counterpart: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett.
- Charla & Mirna - Race role: annoying, bilingual cousin and a midget. Celebrity counterpart: Scut Farkas and Grover Dill from A Christmas Story.
- David & Mary - Race role: hillbilly comic relief. Celebrity counterpart: the cast of Hee-Haw.
- Kevin & Drew - Race role: Interchangeable east coast goombahs. Celebrity counterpart: Michael Chiklis and Michael Chiklis.
- John Vito & Jill - Race role: off-again, post-9-11 lovers. Celebrity counterpart: doesn't matter, they're eliminated.
The first episode put these would-be celebs on a fast track to South America and a date with some horse hooves. The highlight had to be when either Kevin or Drew said, "Peru sure is nice today," only to be rebuffed by his doppelganger, "I'm sure Peru is nice, but this is Ecuador."
Positions were jockeyed, but three tiers were firmly established. The front runners are clearly Rob & Amber, Eric & Danielle, and Danny & Oswald. There's a hefty dose of teams emerging as contenders but not necessarily good with maps or getting along, those being Teri & Ian, Joe & Bill, Uchenna & Joyce, Charla & Mirna, and David & Mary. Lastly, there are two teams that had better enjoy dehoofing mustangs because it's going to be a short trip. We'll soon be saying goodbye to Dustin & Kandice, and next week's knock off Kevin & Drew.
Stay tuned, Racers!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
When asked about the prospect of confronting a gay teammate, Hardy has to say
Not only is TNT NBA reporter Craig Sager the master of horrendously colored suits and renaming shots, but he's also a paternity expert, as he displayed during Thursday's Lakers/Pistons duel.
Way to hog multiple dads, Webber. Spread the wealth with that (probably) fatherless bastard Ray Jackson, why don't you? To be fair, you can't really blame Sager for the mix-up. According to the NCAA, Webber's birth certificate has been erased from the record books, and it's like he was never even born.
Anyone wanting company for their misery, look no further than the backseat of this car.
My guess is that he's on his way to the dentist, and is fairly certain they have run out of twisty pencil prizes and will only have those odd-smelling rainbow erasers left. When will mom learn that you have to schedule those appointment early in the week?!
Happy Valentine's Day, friends.
**Update: Upon futher thought, I felt that I had to be fair, and present an alternate point of view on this day.
I give you the greatest love song ever written (then sung and performed in a sitcom).
***Update: Upon even further thought, this one is pretty romantic too!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Purdue and Indiana will square off for the second time this season tomorrow evening, once again trying to reignite a rivalry that has more than fizzled in recent memory.
Much can be said for the recent lackluster performance of the Boilermakers and the sad demise of former IU coach Mike Davis, but we all know why the great basketball state of Indiana has endured such malaise.
Gene Keady left Purdue after the 2004-2005 season, some four years after his nemesis Bob Knight was run out of Bloomington. The sheer enigmatic nature of those two greats made any face-off between the schools exhilirating. Now, the faithful, armed with stories of NCAA sanctions and cocky remarks, are doing their best to drive a wedge between Matt Painter and Kelvin Samson.
Hell, this game didn't even make it into ESPN's rivalry week.
The Indiana winter calendar pivoted around these two games, and not just for the fans. If you're not sure how important and life-giving this rivalry was and could be, check out former IU player Todd Leary's account of the aftermath of a loss in West Lafayette during the 91-92 season.
"Coach Knight was as mad as I've ever seen him. All of a sudden he started whipping full cans of Coke and Sprite at us. Then came bananas and cookies and cakes and all kinds of stuff. We were all ducked down in our seats becasue no one wanted to get hit by one of those cans."
Add to that the fact that this game likely followed the legendary tirade by Knight in which you're definitely glad you're not Greg Graham.
So it's obvious what Purdue and Indiana need to bring the rivalry back to its former magnificence: bananas and Sprite.
Troatie - which may or may not have something to do with this guy - took Ben Folds up on his call to record a cover of his cover of the Dr. Dre epic "Bitches Ain't Shit."
Be fully warned that this is not appropriate for work or most home settings.
The song does have its place though, say like when you're ridin' durty with your ho. If you're into that sort of thing.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Did you forget about us? Well we're still here and we're ready to be back on the front page of the paper. The last month all we've heard about is the Colts. What a team of great guys. Blah, blah, blah. Peyton Manning is such a perfect role model. Marvin Harrison is such a classy wide receiver. Gary Brackett and Reggie Wayne have overcome such personal adversity. Tony Dungy is the best man who has ever walked the earth. He makes Mother Teresa look like a child molesting meth addict.
Fuck that. We run shit here, and don't you forget it. If Bob Sanders was a real man, he'd be picking fights at strip clubs instead of laying out Cedric Benson on a sterile wet football field with millions of witnesses present.
You've tried to get rid of us. Ron-Ron may be in Sacramento (taking his anger out on his pets, apparently) and Stephen Jackson is now firing warning shots at the Golden Gate Bridge, but we will not be strayed from our goal: to go out each and every day committed to being the most insanely batshit collective of athletes in the state. Admit it, you breathed a sigh a relief after that Golden State trade. "Thank God we're bringing in some upstanding white guys," you silently thought to yourself. Well guess what, you subconsciously racist cracker? We ain't going out like that.
Jamaal Tinsley will not take shit from any West Side bar owners. Fuck that. He may take several minutes off each game night, but if you wanna start shit, that lazy underachiever will bitch slap you time and time again. And why would anyone who has seen Marquis Daniels' assortment of tats ever want to step to him? Just because he hasn't been healthy enough to play in a week doesn't mean he's not healthy enough to beat your ass if you look at him wrong. Even the new "black guy with a white guy's name" is getting in on the act. One team, one goal, motherfuckers.
So go ahead and celebrate your Super Bowl. Listen to everyone say how classy and professional this punkass law-abiding Colts team is, but remember who runs shit here. We kick ass night after night in bars and strip clubs all over this city, and still have enough energy to aim for a .500 record and first-round loss in the playoffs.
The Indiana Pacers.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
The Colts won one.
World champions. Lombardi Trophy. Super Bowl XLI Champion Indianapolis Colts.
Friday, February 02, 2007
That's Edna Parker, the United States' oldest citizen and three months or a dead Japanese woman short of being the oldest person on the planet Earth. She'll turn the big 1-1-4 on April 20th of this year. She's a graduate of Franklin College and a resident of the Heritage House Convalescent Center in Shelbyville, Indiana and damn it, she's a Colts fan.
Edna was born April 20, 1893 when Grover Cleveland was in his second non-consecutive term as president. She's lived through 20 presidents and was a paltry 73 years old when Bart Starr won the first Super Bowl with the Packers, and she's been a widow for only 68 years. Shit, that's old.
Frankly, Edna is well and done with talk of good Rex vs. bad Rex and the business of Peyton Manning's monkey. She doesn't care how many times you've looked at the Bears' Cover 2 or Peyton's line-of-scrimmage gesticulations, damn it she's seen it all and she's made up her mind. She's lived a life full of bacon and lard, doesn't shy away from salt, and she's got one message for all you inferiorty complex ridden mooks from Chicago...
Go Colts, Go!
Well, it didn't take long for Chicago's hip-hoppers to put Lil' Ronnie (mentioned below by Dirk) in his place.
And they brought out the big dogs. Common and Kanye Westjust released Southside Superbowl, which is apparently what would have happened if Run DMC had lent a helping hand to this crap from '85.
You have got to be kidding me.
Here's a little timeline for those not in the know:
December, 2005: The Colts start the season 13-0.
December, 2005: Lil' Ronnie releases a terrible Colts-related rap song, containing the phrase "18-0, Super Bowl bound"
December, 2005: The Colts lose to the Chargers, ending the undefeated run.
January, 2006: The Colts lose to the Steelers in the divisional playoffs, and Lil' Ronnie vanishes without a trace.
December 2006: The Colts give up 375 rushing yards in a blowout loss to the Jags. It becomes clear this team is once again set for an early playoff loss.
January, 2007: The Colts, in successive weeks, shut down Larry Johnson, pull off an upset on the road in Baltimore, and complete the biggest comeback in championship game history over the Patriots. Of even more importance, all of this is accomplished with Lil' Ronnie in public exile, having not been heard from since last season's debacle.
February, 2007: The Colts are a 6 1/2 point favorite in Super Bowl XLI. The players seems calm and focused, and Brian Urlacher is on the cover of Sports Illustrated. No jinx fears anywhere.
February 2, 2007: On a day that should be reserved for nothing more than quoting Ned Ryerson, Lil' Ronnie RETURNS with a Super Bowl remix!
You have got to be kidding! 2 days before the game, this kid resurfaces?! I'm sensing conspiracies on an Oliver Stone level. Regardless, this news is crushing to me, and has me fearing that the Lil' Ronnie curse will rear it's ugly head on Sunday. I swear, if the Colts lose this game, I'm personally sending Nick Harper's wife to take out Lil' Ronnie, along with the rest of "31 South Entertainment."
Step off, punk.